


It Didn't Have to End Like This

by tothevision



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Betrayal, Developing Relationship, F/M, Love, Magic, Relationship(s), Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-11-29
Updated: 2010-11-29
Packaged: 2017-11-07 17:32:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/433650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothevision/pseuds/tothevision
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After her plan to kill Arthur fails, Morgana decides to try another way that ends up changing everything. ArMor. Set in S3 after 3x08.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "Our destiny exercises its influence over us even when, as yet, we have not learned its nature: it is our future that lays down the law of our today."  
>  **– Fredriech Nietzsche**
> 
> 1) All right, so suffice it to say, I have serious problems with what's happened to "Merlin". S2 was pretty bad but then S3 is just beyond ridiculous, you can't even be angry about it anymore because that's how ridiculous it is. My frustration with S3 is the reason why I wrote this fic, because I just couldn't bear the crap they're doing on the show anymore. I needed to make sense of the nonsensical. Basically, this is my "fix it" for "Merlin". I attempt to (somewhat) rationally explain what's happened so far and why, then take the show from what its been doing and turn it back around to a place that resembles a REASONABLE progression from S1. Obviously, this is focused on the tragedy that is the Arthur/Morgana relationship. The worst part about what the writers/producers have done is that they completely ignore their own canon! They write one thing and then boom! RESET BUTTON. It's like it never happened at all. I think that's one of the biggest sins of a writer. No more!
> 
> 2) This takes place right after 3x08 "The Eye of the Phoenix". Anything after that is AU.

Morgause had sent her a message the night before, giving instruction on where they were to meet next. She had taken up refuge in a cottage that was well hidden at the edge of a forest. It was a longer journey than usual, but Morgana rode swiftly. When she arrived at the cottage, the windows were black and the roof looked like it had caved in years ago. Confused, she looked around for any sign of her sister, but there was no one in the darkness. Having no other choice, she ventured cautiously towards the house and saw, as she stepped closer, a light flickering in the windows. With a smile, she realized Morgause had placed an enchantment around the house to make it appear unoccupied to any passing traveler. By the time she reached the door, the roof was no longer sunken in and a warm firelight blazed against the window panes. Morgause appeared in the doorway before Morgana had even a chance to knock.

They embraced fiercely and for that she was grateful, she had missed her deeply. It had been a long, lonely few months in Camelot.

"Sister, it is good to see you," Morgause said before taking her hands and led her inside.

"And you as well! It has been nearly a month since we last spoke. I was growing worried."

"Worry not," she replied soothingly. "I was busy preparing a way to be closer to you so that we may speak with more ease."

That was when Morgana noticed Cenred sitting in an armchair with his feet propped up by the fire. He waved lazily to her with that infuriating smirk he always insisted on wearing. She paid him little attention.

"Arthur lives," Morgana said tersely. "He said he somehow _lost_ the bracelet on his journey."

"I know," Morgause replied. "It is alright, we will find another way."

"What other way?" she said a bit shrilly. "We've tried twice now and still he evades us. I don't understand how this keeps happening!" She tore off her glittering purple cloak, throwing it on a nearby table and sat down in a chair.

Morgause glanced at Cenred before joining her at the table. She took Morgana's chin gently, encouraging her sister to look at her.

"You must keep faith – we always knew this would be difficult, but it is no less important."

Morgana nodded, somewhat discouraged. "Yes, of course."

The blonde turned around and gestured to Cenred by the fire. With an annoyed grunt, he stood up and walked out of the cottage, leaving the two of them alone.

"What is it that bothers you?"

Morgana looked at her warily. "I don't know what you mean. I'm fine. I'm merely… frustrated. It will pass, I know what must be done."

"You are angry with me."

At that, she leapt forward in her chair. "No! No, you mustn't think that. You are most dear to me."

"What is it then?" Morgause pressed.

Morgana was caught. Settling back down, she looked away from Morgause taking in the state of the cottage. It was small and crude, but Morgause had brought many things with her so it looked well lived in, the firelight made it even more comforting in a sense.

"There is something… that has weighed on me for a time now. When I told you about what Uther said - that I was his daughter."

Morgause sighed.

"It gave you no pause, you didn't so much as blink." She took a deep breath. "Did you know?"

"No," she replied quickly.

"Then what? To know that I am Uther's child, this gives you no cause to react?"

Morgause shifted slightly in her seat, her gaze flickered away from Morgana's face.

"You must tell me, I could not bear it if you lied to me."

"I didn't lie, my sister, but I will tell you what I know and I beg you not to be upset with me. I did only what I believed best for you." She hesitated and then continued. "I did a number of things to prepare before I ever arrived in Camelot. One was to be certain you were who I suspected you to be, of my blood. There is a spell… in which you may confirm the paternity of a child or match bloodlines. It was used by palace sorcerers in days of Old to keep the Royal bloodlines intact. I performed it on you before I arrived in Camelot, I had to be sure."

"There is no room for doubt?"

"None," Morgause smiled. "You are my sister."

Morgana held her head in her hands as she tried to come to terms with this news. To have learned that the man she loved dearly and had been taken from her when she was young, was not who she thought he was, and the man she despised more than any living, breathing thing on this earth, had fathered her. The fury… the shame, it was more than she could bear. Morgause had treated it as a positive turn of events when all Morgana could feel was the sickening lurch of rage churning inside of her, dragging her deeper… She had gone to Uther's bedchamber that night half out of her mind. She could think no other thought that to be rid of the darkness that plagued her so. Uther Pendragon lay at its core.

Now, she was told something else yet again. Another violent shifting of her world. She could barely keep her eyes open – this was too much to take.

"But he believes…"

"That is all that matters!" Morgause said triumphantly. "It changes nothing. All that matters is what Uther believes. Whether or not you are his daughter by blood, he believes you to be so and still treated you as he has all these years."

Morgana's skin had always been very fair since childhood, like fine porcelain, but in the last few minutes she had grown even paler. "How could you not say anything?" she said a bit breathlessly and her eyes narrowed. "You knew how it affected me and to say nothing?"

She straightened her back as she defended herself. "Perhaps it was not the right thing to do," she admitted, "but I did not tell you in hopes that it would strengthen your resolve, give you the motivation you needed to complete your task."

"You didn't trust me," she said flatly.

"That is not true."

They were silent for a while, only the crackling sounds of the wood burning in the fireplace filled the cottage.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I should have told you. I would have eventually, though I'm sure that changes nothing."

Morgana only looked at her.

Sighing, she stood up and walked to the other end of the cottage where shelves covered the wall entirely.

"You don't have much time, if we are to discuss-"

She cut her off. "I have a plan."

Clearly intrigued, Morgause waited for more.

"We have wasted much time trying to kill Arthur, I fear we have been ignoring a much simpler route."

Morgana stood up as well, only glancing at her sister before she moved in front of the fire, stretching her hands out as though to warm them.

"If Arthur were to die, Uther would be inconsolable, I fear what retribution he will wreak if we do not manage to kill him in time. I do not wish that for the people of Camelot, they do not deserve such hardship. Already they suffer too much."

Morgause approached her swiftly. "But that is what we are trying to do, ease people's suffering, ours and theirs, to end the tyranny of Uther Pendragon."

Morgana spun around all of a sudden and with a calm, elevated gaze, said, "Whoever Arthur marries will be Queen."

Her sister said nothing.

"Surely you know of a potion or enchantment of a kind that will have Arthur fall in love with me, I recall you speaking of it, and then it will be simple. We will elope and once Uther finds out, he will have the marriage annulled, but in order to have reason to do so, he will be forced to reveal that I am his daughter. If he chooses to let it stand, then I will still have the crown and will end his life before long. Arthur will be of no concern then."

So certain of her plan, that Morgana was utterly baffled by Morgause's response. The woman simply nodded and seated herself where Cenred had been earlier.

"Why do you look at me so?" she asked. "Do you not think it will work?"

"I thought you told me of how others have tried this same course of action before. That they failed quite miserably."

"They were fools! They thought they could sweep into Camelot, utter strangers, and claim Arthur? My prior relationship with him would give us the advantage. Besides, the people have believed for quite some time now that Arthur and I would always marry."

"It could work," she said quietly. "It is very possible."

"And yet you seem so displeased," Morgana teased lightly. "Is it because I came up with it for once?"

Morgause chuckled. "Not at all."

Kneeling, Morgana placed her hands on the other's knees. "Now I must ask you, sister, what is it that troubles you so?"

She smiled sadly and covered her hands with her own, tracing the healing bracelet she gave her with her index finger. "This path has crossed my mind before, but I did not wish for us to take it. I did not believe it sound."

Morgana looked like she was about to refuse, but Morgause's expression told her to be silent.

"You have feelings for Arthur - and not those that a sister feels for a brother."

Morgana yanked away from her in horror and stood up, but she continued.

"You loved him very much, don't try to deny it, I know it to be true. You have done well to rid yourself of old attachments, but this… what you are suggesting… this is asking too much of you. It would require you to be closer to him than you have been these past years, and your feelings will inevitably… cloud matters. It is too risky."

Morgana scoffed angrily.

"I know you are upset with me for saying this, but I must. It is not your fault, you are human, as are we all. I would expect nothing else."

"You're wrong!" she spat. "I care nothing for Arthur. He is Uther's son, an imbecile, nothing more."

Morgause was unconvinced.

"I don't care if you believe me or not, but I say to you now, Arthur Pendragon is the least of my worries."

"If we are to do this…" she tried carefully, "then I would need a token of his, something off his person, for the spell."

Morgana went for her belt and procured a small, silk pouch, offering it to her.

"Arthur had his hair cut only yesterday. I'm sure that will be sufficient."

The other woman seemed impressed.

She only shrugged. "You taught me well. Now, I can't have him prancing about the castle spouting rhyming couplets about my many virtues, arousing suspicion. …It's happened before."

"It is possible for me to tame its effects, so that it would not cause an overt obsession, but then it would require more _effort_ on your part…"

"I know how to manage Arthur," she said stiffly.

"Very well. His attention would be greatly shifted to you, he would be extremely susceptible to any advances you make, but – granted I make no mistake - the change should not be so dire so as to alert anyone outright. He would appear, for the most part, as his usual self." She paused. "Are you sure-"

Morgana looked to the window and saw that the sky was beginning to lighten. "I must go," she said, acting as though she didn't hear. "Will you agree?"

Morgause sighed. "If you feel you can carry this on without-"

"I do."

"Then it will be done." She nodded. "In two days time, Arthur will be yours."

Morgana reached for her cloak and threw it around her shoulders. Morgause silently helped her knot it at the neck, but Morgana refused to meet her eyes.

"I have every faith in you, sister," she said softly. "Please, don't let what I've said anger you. I only want to protect you."

Morgana sighed and kissed Morgause on the cheek. "I know… but I promise you, everything will be alright."

"Be safe."

Morgause watched from the doorway as Morgana swung up onto her horse and rode away, disappearing over the hill. She turned back into the cottage, closing the door quickly behind her. She was a blur running back and forth as she gathered various ingredients and materials.

Cenred entered a few minutes later.

"I see the Lady is gone."

Morgause didn't bother to reply, too intent on the task in front of her.

"What have you decided?"

She relayed the plan to him haphazardly and he seemed somewhat disappointed, but knew better than to argue. It didn't have the action he had hoped for, but if the result was the end of the Pendragon line and his alliance with the power of Camelot, then that was enough.

"So you're brewing a _love potion_ for our dear, unsuspecting, Prince Arthur now?" he said mockingly.

"Not yet."

Cenred fell heavily into a chair next to her, eyeing the ingredients laid out on the table with some skepticism.

"So this is breakfast then?"

Laughing, she said, "If you are hungry, you may return to your castle. I'm sure there are far better comforts there than those to be found here."

"That depends on the _comforts_ you speak of."

She pretended not to hear him. "Before I place the enchantment on Arthur to have him fall for Morgana, I must remove the other one."

Cenred's interest was piqued and he leaned forward greedily. "Other one?"

"Before I made my presence known in Camelot over two years past, I knew of Arthur Pendragon's attachment to my sister. If ever she were to form a bond with me, I knew she would need to feel more alone than ever before. If her relationship with Arthur progressed or even remained as it was, it would have made it near impossible to connect with her as I did. So I cast an enchantment that bewitched Arthur with another woman. Once he focused all his attention on her, Morgana was free to do as she wished without being hindered by his constant presence in her life. I allowed her to believe they simply drifted apart – it is better that way."

Laughing boisterously, he clapped his hand on his thigh. "That's rich! So the servant girl we had taken – Arthur's only after her because of you?"

She rolled her eyes at his juvenility. "Yes. It mattered little who it was, only that it would keep Arthur out of Morgana's way."

"And the enchantment is on the girl as well?"

"No, any feelings she has for the Prince are entirely her own doing."

Cenred was still laughing.

"You must leave me now. Return to your city and I will follow shortly once I have finished both spells. This requires a great deal of concentration; I must be alone if I am to succeed." She gave him a stern look.

He merely wet his lips with a dark glint in his eyes. "Oh, but I do so love to watch."

* * *

Arthur went two steps at a time up the stairs to his quarters, absolutely famished after having skipped lunch to sort out a brawl in the Lower town. Merlin better have his dinner waiting for him or he'd be spending tomorrow in the stocks.

Arthur was hardly paying any attention to where he was going, only focused on his dinner, when he ran smack into Gwen coming from Morgana's chambers.

"Oh!" they cried simultaneously.

When Gwen realized it was him, she smiled sweetly.

Arthur was confused.

"Er, hello, sorry about that," he said unsurely.

"It's my fault, should've watched where I was going."

A cold dread crept over him. There was something different... something wrong…

"No, really, all mine."

"Don't be silly," she said.

Why did her gaze make him so uncomfortable? It usually filled him with such joy.

"Is everything alright? You look a bit… peaked."

"Fine!" he replied too quickly. "Absolutely fine. Nothing the matter. Um, I should be going."

"Arthur…?"

"Sorry, must run, very late!"

He couldn't get away from her fast enough.

What was wrong with him? Why did she seem so foreign? That familiar flutter in his chest, being mesmerized by her beauty, desiring nothing more than to sweep her in his arms and carry her away with him – none of it was there. He loved her! Didn't he? He did, he knew he did. Then why didn't he feel the way he always did when he saw her? The longing that plagued his heart and soul whenever he laid eyes on her had vanished. The feeling of having known her all his life was gone. When he had looked at her just now, he didn't see Guinevere, his heart's desire - he saw Gwen - Morgana's sweet, loyal handmaiden… a stranger.

What was wrong with him!

"Arthur, what is wrong with you?"Morgana snapped as she stood with her hands on her hips, clad only in her nightgown.

"What are you talki- wait, what are you doing in my chambers!"

She stared at him in disbelief. "Have you _completely_ lost your mind?"

Frowning, he looked around and was startled to find that he had not just entered his room, instead he had walked, unthinkingly, straight into Morgana's.

"Oh."

"OH? So now I'm supposed to believe that you just walked in here by accident?"

"As a matter of fact…" he started to say, quite embarrassed, and scratched the back of his head.

"Your chambers are on the opposite side of the castle!"

He knew she was right, he couldn't quite believe it himself.

"I – er – damn. I think I really just might be losing my mind. My apologies… I'll be going now."

He turned to leave, but Morgana's hand on his arm stopped him.

"Arthur…" Her tone had changed. She didn't sound so annoyed anymore, instead she sounded…dare he say it… concerned. "Did you need something?"

He really wanted to talk to her about it, but he wasn't sure what to say, or if he should say anything, especially to her. Morgana would probably just laugh him out of the room and humiliate him for the rest of the week about it.

He had just decided not to say anything when she closed the door and pulled him further into her room.

"What is it?"

Looking into her worried eyes, those alarmingly beautiful, fierce green eyes and knew he was going to say it.

"H-have you ever... cared… for someone and then suddenly, all at once, just… stopped?"

"Cared for?"

He groaned. "Liked, withstood, barely tolerated, whatever."

"You mean if you're angry with them?"

"No!" he burst out exasperatedly and then recovered himself at Morgana's expression. "I mean… can you just wake up one day and not have the same feelings you did the night before?"

"Like a food craving?"

"Oh for… FORGET IT!"

Morgana was laughing now and she pulled him back. "No, no, I'm sorry. I'm just having some fun with you. I do understand what you're saying."

"You do?" he replied skeptically.

She nodded. "You want to know if it's possible to stop loving someone."

"I didn't say that!" he cried, bristling at the use of the word 'love'.

"But it's what you meant, is it not?"

He swallowed thickly and gave an impatient nod. "So… can you?"

Morgana tilted her head at him thoughtfully. "I don't know." She looked away shyly. "It's never happened to me, but… I believe if you truly love someone, if you truly let them into your heart, then that can't just disappear, not completely anyway. It's as though they become forever a part of you, it changes you, no matter what happens in the end. "

A swell in his chest came on so powerfully, it nearly hurt. It had been so long since he felt like this. How badly he wanted to kiss her just then.

"Yeah…" he said hoarsely. "What I thought."

"Did I help at all?" She grinned knowingly.

Now, that, he didn't like. Not at all. The way she looked at him as were though she'd somehow won, so superior. They had gotten into some very dangerous territory.

"Not really."

Morgana didn't expect that. "Pardon?"

Arthur shrugged, trying to look indifferent. "Yeah, you really didn't say anything I didn't know. Fat waste of time this was." Then he looked her up and down with a grimace. "You really should wear a dressing gown, you know, you might scare some of the servants in that thing, it's… unseemly."

"I didn't realize you cared so much about what I wear," she retorted.

"Don't usually, it's just that you're putting me off my appetite."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Then I suppose I'm doing you a world of good. You could stand to lose some of that _appetite_ of yours." She smacked his stomach with the back of her hand. "Don't think the whole castle hasn't noticed."

Arthur looked at her in horror, his hands going to where she smacked him. "I am NOT fat!"

She started to lead him towards the door and gave him a sickly sweet smile, crooning, "Oh, of course not, you're just… _well-rounded_."

"WELL-ROUNDED?"

"Goodnight, Arthur!" She shoved him out the door and slammed it behind him.

Glaring at the door, he growled and resisted the urge to kick the wood. Why did she have to be so damned… infuriating all the time! With a frown, he checked to make sure he was alone in the corridor and then looked down, patting his stomach.

"I am _not_ fat."

* * *

Morgana rested against the back of her door with a wicked smile, listening to Arthur's retreating footsteps.

So it was to begin.


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur woke that morning with Morgana on his mind, Morgana on his tongue, Morgana burrowing inside him and tormenting his very soul. She was so beautiful, so perfect, he couldn't think of a single thing wrong with her. She could say no wrong, do no wrong, everything about the woman was flawless. She was his life, his destiny. He couldn't stand to be apart from her. Even now as he lay there, it hurt to not have her near him. He wanted her so desperately, needed her, loved her. She was a goddess that walked the earth and deserved violins following wherever she went.

He had always loved her, the love taking different forms as they went from children to young adults, but could never find a way to tell her. Whether fear or stubbornness, it was all just time wasted on ignorance! He refused to wait any longer now.

Could she love him in return? Could he be so lucky as to know what it would feel like to have her love? He would have to find out. Carefully…cautiously…he couldn't bear it if he scared her away – there was too much at stake. He would have to take this slowly, not let on too much, just to be sure of what her feelings were in return.

Merlin dropped his clothes for the day on top of him.

"I see from that googly look on your face, you're thinking of a certain someone?"

Arthur chucked an empty goblet at his head.

* * *

Morgana was in the courtyard preparing for her daily ride. Gwen had just gone back inside to retrieve her gloves when Arthur walked past with some of his knights. He saw her tightening the saddle on her horse and checking to make sure everything else was in place. Waving off his knights, he left them to come over to her, drawn as if a ship to a beacon. Morgana saw him out of the corner of her eye but gave no indication of it.

Though she was careful not to let it show, she was practically bursting with excitement. Arthur Pendragon would soon be under her command, especially if last night was any indication. She hadn't expected him to just burst into her chambers like that, but the look on his face was too good to deny. He looked so bewildered… so helpless. The perfect pawn.

Morgause must have been able to cast her enchantment more quickly that she thought. Last night it was as though she could _feel_ how much Arthur desired her. There was no doubting it, Camelot would soon be hers. Uther's reign would finally be at an end. Now it was just up to her to play the part.

"Off for your morning ride?"

She only glanced at him. "How very astute of you to notice."

Arthur stared at her for a moment then hesitated before he spoke again. "I don't suppose you would want some company?"

Morgana arched an eyebrow. "Surely the crown Prince has much more important things to do with his time? Knights to train? Swords to play with? Servants to bellow at?"

He smirked. "Yes, well as _important_ as all those things are, they could keep for a few hours. I could use the respite. I'll even arrange for Sir Leon to shout at Merlin every few minutes so he doesn't miss me too much."

"Ah, how very kind of you. A wonderful King you will make, so caring of his servant's needs," she retorted with a roll of her eyes.

He crossed his arms with an expectant look and Morgana pretended to think it over then she shrugged. "Well, if you like, but do hurry, I absolutely despise waiting."

Arthur chuckled. " _That_ , I do well recall!"

* * *

They had been riding at a leisurely pace in silence for a little while. Arthur seemed to enjoy being outside of the castle walls and Morgana was content with the silence, letting it be up to him to break it.

Which he did soon enough.

"Why did you take the mare?"

"Why wouldn't I?" She looked at him as he rode alongside her.

"They're so temperamental - wouldn't you have preferred a gelding? They're better riders anyway."

Morgana's back stiffened in annoyance. "Temperamental? You mean because she's female she has to be _emotional_?"

"Well, yeah."

She scoffed.

"Everyone knows that," he replied incredulously. "I don't know what you're getting so upset about."

"Oh, I don't know, since I'm a woman it must be because I'm _temperamental_." Her eyes flashed with determination. "Come on then, show me what you've got."

Morgana lurched forward in the saddle, kicked up her heels, and took off at a gallop, leaving Arthur scrambling to follow after her.

They rode hard and long through the forest and across the meadow. Both rode well, with great skill, but somehow neither could seem to gain on the other. Morgana was infuriated that it seemed she could not outrun him, while Arthur was exceedingly grateful he was able to keep up with her. He couldn't bear to lose to her, not because she was a girl, but because she was Morgana. Anything she ever beat him in, she never let him live it down. It was maddening.

As hard as they both tried, all their efforts were for naught because they were hopelessly locked in a stalemate, neck and neck the whole way through. Soon, they had to give up the race before their horses tired too much for the journey back. Morgana held the reins back with a snarl of frustration, slowing her mare to a walk. Arthur followed suit and led them to a creek where the animals could drink and recover for a little while.

They tended to their horses in silence. Arthur kept looking over his shoulder at her, watching as she rubbed the mare soothingly without acknowledging him in the slightest. She could feel his gaze on her.

"You don't talk to me anymore."

Morgana kept her back to him, a wicked grin spread across her lips.

Oh, this was going to be too easy!

"That's silly, of course I do. I talk to you every day."

"That's not what I meant. Last night… well, we haven't done that for ages. Just…talked…alone."

She stayed quiet.

"Did I do something to upset you?"

Morgana rolled her eyes, but kept the exasperation out of her voice. "No. I suppose we've both just been… busy."

"Yeah." He sniffed loudly, trying to regain his bravado. "Guess you're right. Besides, I was enjoying the peace and quiet without having you bursting in every hour whinging about something."

"How nice for you," she replied coolly.

Sighing, Arthur tethered his horse to a low overhanging branch before moving closer to the stream. With a quick glance at Morgana's unassuming back, he grinned and stepped into the shallow water so it ran over his boots and promptly splashed her.

With a gasp, she spun around, only to get another wave of water in the face. The water was cold and soaked through her clothes instantly.

"ARTHUR!" she shrieked, wiping her eyes.

He laughed. "Do you feel refreshed now, my Lady?"

Glaring at him, she ran into the stream as well. He expected her to splash him in return, but instead she scooped up some mud from the bank, weighing it in her hand.

His eyes widened. "You wouldn't…"

It hit him smack in the face with a wet, sloppy sound and dripped off onto his tunic. She still had good aim apparently.

"I wouldn't what?" Morgana retorted innocently.

It was an all out war with water and mud being slung everywhere. Their playful shouts and laughter echoed through the woods, scaring the birds away from their perches. The horses were unperturbed.

* * *

They made for a sight when they arrived back in Camelot. It was not every day that the people got to see their Prince and the King's Ward in complete disarray, drenched and muddied from head to toe.

As they made their way into the courtyard, Morgana looked down at her riding clothes and noticed a large tear down the front of her shirt.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I don't even know when that happened."

Arthur was in the middle of getting down from his horse when she spoke and looked up just in time to see a flash of Morgana's milky white skin before she was able to cover herself. Forgetting what he was doing, his foot got caught and he came crashing down on the cobblestone in a heap.

Morgana laughed uproariously from her perch and was further spurred on by Arthur's sulkiness when he stood up, dusting himself off.

"Bit clumsy today, are we, Arthur?" she teased.

He ignored her.

Leaping down from her mare with ease, she grinned haughtily at him. One of the stable boys came out and took the horses. Arthur narrowed his eyes at her and just as she passed him, he stuck out his foot. She would have gone sprawling if he hadn't caught her in time. Instead, it only looked as though she stumbled over her own feet.

"I suppose we can't all be as graceful as you, Morgana."

Furious, she turned and shoved him hard. "Of all the obnoxious… How dare you!"

"What?" He tried to keep a straight face, but failed miserably and guffawed. "I haven't done that since we were children!"

"And do you remember _why_ you stopped doing it when we were children?" she hissed dangerously.

Arthur looked at her curiously as he tried to remember and then all of a sudden his chortling stopped, his eyes widened.

"Oh."

Swallowing thickly, he took in Morgana's dark glare and involuntarily took a step backwards while discreetly trying to protect his groin. He looked so genuinely worried, Morgana couldn't help it, she started giggling.

"Oh, Arthur! Sometimes I don't even know what to think of you…"

Her laughter died out as his fingers brushed her collar bone, holding the tear in her shirt closed. She hadn't even noticed what he was doing until he was right in front of her. The warm shiver that coursed through her body at the slight touch took her off guard. There was a flash of gold and she looked down to watch him pin it closed. She recognized it as one of his cufflinks.

"There," he said softly. "That should keep until you get to your chambers."

Something about their close proximity had Morgana's heart beating much faster than usual. She looked up into the crystal blue eyes that were watching her so closely.

Stepping away as nonchalantly as she could, she thanked him before practically storming back into the castle.

"My Lady?" Gwen said in surprise as a filthy and wet Morgana burst into the room.

"Not now, Gwen."


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning it was custom to join Uther for breakfast, as he asked them both to do so on that day once a week. Morgana tried to delay her arrival as much as possible so that she could avoid being alone with Arthur. She needed more time to think after what happened yesterday, but when she came into the Hall, Arthur sat there alone at the end of the long table. A part of her wanted to run back out immediately, but it was too late, he had already seen her. Resigned, Morgana glided over to her chair opposite Arthur and seated herself.

"I would apologize for being late, but it seems I am not the only one."

He nodded. "Father extends his apologies; he's running behind this morning. He'll be along shortly."

Morgana saw his plate, noticeably touched, and Arthur shrugged. "Well, I wasn't going to starve myself just because you two can't manage to be on time!"

"I wouldn't dream of it."

A servant brought in another plate for Morgana, setting it down in front of her. She looked up to see it was a woman and thanked her.

"No Merlin?"

"I have him working on a much more important task this morning."

"Mucking out the stables?"

He beamed. "I find he feels quite at home there."

She flashed him a smile and picked up her fork.

Neither knew what to say after that. It was an awkward silence that filled the space between them, the sound of the utensils on their plates seemed to magnify. Morgana wouldn't meet his gaze. They were merely across the table from one another, but the distance seemed far greater. Arthur couldn't understand it, it grieved him.

"Do you recall…" he said after a while, "the summer we spent in Northumbria?"

Morgana's focus stayed on her plate. "Of course," she replied absently. "It was lovely."

"Lovely?" he repeated. "What are you talking about? We were miserable! That fat ponce of a Prince tortured us for ages!"

Forgetting that she didn't want to look at him, Morgana picked her head up. She knew Arthur had been talking, but she'd been so intently focused on ignoring him that she didn't really hear until now.

"Oh!" she chuckled, her eyes bright with the memory. "Prince Erron. He was a wretched creature! Only a couple of years older than I, but acted as though-"

"As though he were already ruling the Kingdom!" Arthur finished for her with an amused shake of his head.

"He might as well have been with the way the Queen spoiled him so, absolutely horrid."

Memories of a time long past filtered into Morgana's head unbidden, of her and Arthur as children running around the castle of Northumbria as they were chased by Erron who wanted to use them as a practice target. Uther never believed it and instead punished them for causing him so much trouble with the King and Queen. An embarrassment, he said they were. Arthur had taken the brunt of Erron's torture, several years younger and with a tongue that never knew how to be still. Morgana hated to see him be so poorly mistreated and often intervened, which caused Erron to turn on her as well.

Arthur seemed to be lost in the memories as well as he chuckled. "I will never forget the look on his face that day in the field."

Her mouth dropped open, rather pleased he remembered. "I don't think I'll quite forget it either."

"There I am, battling this hulking swine and faring quite well I might add-"

"Oh, yes, you were doing a fantastic job from the flat of your back."

"And what do I see but _you_ barreling towards us across the field, half naked in only your shift, with a pitchfork in your hands!"

Morgana dropped her utensils and covered her eyes as she started to shake with laughter.

"I thought I had already been knocked out and it was some sort of dream!"

"I was in the stables!" she protested through her laughter. "My dress got caught and then I heard you fighting with Erron. What was I to do? Rip it? It was far too lovely!"

"'Away with you foul beast!'" He imitated her jabbing the pitchfork forward. "'Away! Lest I put some holes in that fine silk of yours!'."

"He turned utterly white!"

"I was terrified myself!"

They were beside themselves when Uther walked in. He looked at them questioningly as he sat down. Morgana was trying to dry her eyes, Arthur was clutching his stomach.

"What is this all about?" he inquired, somewhat amused.

"Just… reminiscing," Arthur said through fits, trying to calm himself.

"Childhood memories," Morgana added. "Of Northumbria."

"Northumbria!" Uther frowned with a grunt. "I don't see how that could be so amusing. You two were terribly misbehaved that entire summer. Rather than spend my time relaxing and building ties with our neighboring kingdoms, I was forced to clean up your mess with Queen Euria who would have liked to feed you to the crows! You were an embarrassment to Camelot!"

The servant brought out a third plate for Uther. Arthur and Morgana had calmed somewhat and exchanged a knowing glance.

"Surely you recall how unpleasant Prince Erron was, my Lord?" she ventured.

"Erron is a fine lad," he sniffed. "His parents think very highly of him, he is well bred, a decent knight. He will make a good King."

"Even though your son defeated him quite soundly two springs past in the Games?"

Arthur straightened his shoulders boastfully. He was proud, not only of his accomplishment, but that Morgana had actually noticed. Especially that Morgana noticed.

"Of course! There is no doubt that Arthur is the finest warrior in many kingdoms – I expect no less."

They went back to eating their breakfast quietly with Arthur and Morgana smiling secretively at each other. After a few moments, Uther spoke again.

"Though…I must admit…it was rather amusing when Erron ran into the throne room with his trousers around his ankles shouting, 'She has a pitchfork!'."

Arthur and Morgana fell into complete hysterics.

* * *

Merlin was on his way to Arthur's chambers after finishing in the stables when he was drawn to the dining hall by all the noise. He peered inside to see Arthur, Uther, and Morgana all laughing merrily… as though they were a family.

It chilled him to the bone.

* * *

Later that day, Gwen entered Morgana's chambers to see her mistress standing at the window as she often did. There was something so melancholy and heavy about her, that she felt prompted to ask if everything was alright. Morgana never turned around, kindly dismissing her concern.

Joining her at the window, Gwen saw that she was watching Arthur with his knights in the courtyard. He was giving orders for where the guards should be posted, sending them off to their respective posts.

She didn't like the way she was looking at him.

"Are you certain you're alright? Is there nothing I can do for you?" Gwen asked politely.

Morgana finally looked at her and she saw the redness in her eyes for the first time.

"No, honestly, I'm fine. Just tired I suppose."

"Your nightmares?"

"Isn't it always?" She smiled at her sadly and left the window.

There was something so genuine in her exchange, something that had been missing for so long, that Gwen was thrown.

* * *

Morgana spent the next three days doing everything she could to avoid Arthur. She took her meals in her chambers and spent the days outside of the city walls. Excusing herself from Gwen, she took the time to wander through the woods, and one day even found herself standing out by the lake.

The air was too cool to even have a thought of going in, but there was something about the stillness of the water, a glass sheet covering a massive expanse, that comforted her.

She was being careless in the time spent with Arthur, allowing him to wheedle and distract her. Control must be had if this was to continue.

He was Uther's son, a loyal dimwit who would follow his father into damnation. She needed to remember that. Arthur had told her many times before he would never betray his father. It is for that, that he cannot be allowed to rule Camelot any more than they would allow Uther to continue.

Morgana forced herself to recall the horrifying memories she had of tragedies at Uther's hand. The slaughter of so many innocent, so many of her own kind, so many that were not. Hunted, killed, despised, simply for being born the way they were. Uther would pay for his crimes, and if Arthur wished to follow him, he would fall as well. There was no other way.

But isn't there?

A nagging thought in the back of her mind whispered so quietly, she could hardly hear it, hardly wanted to hear it.

He says he will not betray his father, but how many times has he done just that…for you.

A breeze came across the lake, rippling through the water, rustling through the trees. Morgana shivered at the cool air that seemed to penetrate her and pulled her cloak more tightly round. An invisible energy began to tingle around her, pressing in on her body. It was one that she had come to recognize as magic, but there was no one there. She stared across the lake, unable even to see the bank on the opposite side and yet she continued to look. There was something there…something she couldn't see…something calling to her…

_The time of the Pendragons is over. Now it is your turn, Morgana Le Fay, to embrace your destiny and save us all._

The magic flew all around her, above her, beneath her, inside of her. Her wrist burned, her vision blurred, and she saw blood. Bodies, endless bodies, fell to the earth. People were screaming - torturous, murderous, screams - soldiers were roaring - a child was shoved under the water and held there by a gloved hand. Fire was everywhere, the flames burned her, but she couldn't move. So much blood. So much death.

Morgana opened her eyes with a gasp and realized she was lying on the cold ground by the lake. Did she faint? The images she saw were visions, she knew, but not of the future. They were of a time past. She had seen the Great Purge.

Her stomach rolled as she recalled the stench of burning flesh of those burned at the stake and she heaved a few times. Breathing hard, she looked out over at the lake again, but the feeling she had before was gone. There was nothing there. Getting to her feet, she brushed the dirt off her dress, and squared her shoulders determinedly. She knew what had to be done and nothing as insipid as pleasant childhood memories with Arthur were going to stop her from bringing justice to Camelot.


	4. Chapter 4

When she returned to her chambers, Gwen was there folding linens.

"Oh, good, you're back," she said. "It was getting dark, I was worried."

Morgana plastered a smile on her face. "You're so good to me, Gwen. What would I ever do without you?"

"Merlin stopped by with a message for you." She opened the wardrobe and starting putting things away.

"Oh?" Morgana tried not to let herself appear too interested.

"Arthur's invited you to dine with him tonight."

She rolled her eyes and removed her cloak. "Truly? How unlike him."

Gwen came over to take it from her and she noticed how intently her handmaiden was watching her.

"Perhaps he wishes to speak with you about something?" Gwen offered, hanging up the cloak.

Morgana sat down at her vanity and removed the clip from her hair, letting the long locks tumble past her shoulders. The release felt nice.

"Now what on earth could that be?" she replied. "Knowing Arthur, it can only be about two things – swords or idiocy. What could I possibly have to offer him on those topics?"

Gwen flinched ever so slightly that she almost missed it. Morgana stared at herself hard in the mirror, trying desperately not to laugh. Was everyone in this castle so ridiculously easy to toy with?

"I do not know, my Lady. Arthur might surprise you."

"Arthur surprises me every day. Without him, I would never know the depth of mankind's capability to make fool of themselves."

"What reply shall I give him?" Gwen said abruptly, coming to stand behind her. She had her hands clasped tightly in front of her and averted her gaze so she wouldn't see the mirror.

Suddenly, Morgana felt the urge to slap her across the face.

Instead, she smiled and turned around. "Oh, Gwen, surely you know I say the things I do in good fun."

She nodded tightly. "Of course, my Lady."

"Tell Arthur I would be delighted to dine with him tonight."

She watched the maid leave quickly and shook her head in disgust.

"Really, Arthur?" she said to herself. "Her?"

* * *

"Is there a particular reason for asking the Lady Morgana to eat with you here tonight?" Merlin asked as he scrubbed the table.

"None at all," Arthur replied without bothering to look up from the papers on his desk.

"So you just… felt like it?"

"Why is this of such interest to you, Merlin?"

"It's not!"

"Good. Then you'd do well to _shut up_ and keep cleaning! I'm of no mind to endure her complaints about the state of my chambers."

Merlin looked around the tidy room proudly. "She won't be able to find a thing to complain of. I've scrubbed this whole place spotless!"

"Then surely you underestimate Morgana," Arthur said dryly. "And, by the way, get my good shirt out, the one I wore to the feast last month."

"Isn't that a bit overdressed for just a dinner with-"

"Did I ask for your opinion?"

Merlin thought about it. "…No."

"Then perhaps you should keep it to yourself," Arthur said through clenched teeth.

He sighed at that and continued to clean the table.

"But why-"

"MERLIN!"

"Alright, alright, shutting up."

* * *

Arthur jumped to his feet when Merlin opened the door for Morgana to walk in. Dinner was already laid out on the table with candles lit per Arthur's request. Silently, she scrutinized his quarters with an amused look on her face before sitting down adjacent to Arthur, who was fidgeting nervously.

"You missed a spot on the window, Merlin," she said.

Glowering, he was tempted to say something biting, but Arthur gave him a fierce look, warning him to stop it.

"Erm - I'll just go fix that then," he replied tersely.

"No, don't bother." She gazed teasingly at Arthur. "I don't believe, in all the years I've known you, your chambers have ever been quite so clean. Is it driving you mad?"

He made a face. "I don't know what you're talking about. I've always been mindful of the state of my quarters."

Merlin snorted and Arthur gave him a death glare while Morgana pretended not to notice.

"Shall we?" she inquired, raising her goblet to him.

He nodded and held up his own in return. "What should we toast to?"

"Why, to Camelot, of course."

"Perfect," he agreed. "To Camelot."

They started to eat their meal and Arthur tried to make small talk while she gave just the right amount of interest in return. Merlin stared blatantly at Morgana as he stood a few feet off to the side from them holding the wine jug.

He knew she was up to something, but couldn't figure it out just yet.

Arthur was in the middle of discussing a new policy his father was putting into effect about the state of the village when Morgana leaned towards him, putting her hand on his arm. She whispered something into his ear that Merlin couldn't hear. Only he noticed how pointedly Arthur swallowed at her touch.

"Merlin, get out," he said brusquely without taking his eyes off Morgana.

"What? But what if you need-"

"OUT."

Merlin knew there was no mistaking that tone. He put down the wine jug on the table, seeing Morgana smile at him surreptitiously, while Arthur was impatient. He gave the pair one last look before reluctantly leaving the room.

Arthur sighed in relief when the door closed. "Better?"

She nodded. "Thank you. It's not that I dislike Merlin, it's just… nice to be alone together sometimes without servants hovering over us. Is that alright?"

"Of course!" he said a little too eagerly and caught himself. "I mean… yes, sometimes it gets a bit crowded."

Morgana smiled shyly and went back to eating.

"I, erm, I haven't seen much of you these last few days - heard you were spending some time in the woods."

"Keeping tabs on me, Arthur?" She raised an eyebrow.

"No!" he blushed and tried to backtrack. "Not at all. I'm the crown prince, I must be aware of the things happening in Camelot, particularly the comings and goings of people in the castle."

"And I am just 'people' to you?"

He tilted his head questioningly. "What would like to be to me?"

Morgana glanced at him slyly, not replying right away. "Not just 'people' that is for certain."

His heart leapt with the flutter of hope. "Spend the day with me tomorrow," he blurted.

Morgana was a bit taken aback, but Arthur didn't regret saying it, only wanted to know her answer.

"And do what, precisely?"

"We could go riding, have a picnic, browse the marketplace, chase the wind, I don't care. Anything you like."

Her eyes lit up. "Anything?"

Perhaps he shouldn't have said that. There was a devilish grin playing on Morgana's shapely lips that both aroused and terrified him. He knew from experience that it meant whatever she had in mind would be risky, dangerous, and would without a doubt cause him a world of trouble.

Yet, he would never say no. Never could. Not to her.

* * *

Merlin watched in horror as the sound of clashing swords rang out across the field.

"I really think this is a bad idea!" he called out. "What if the King finds out?"

"Stop being such a worrywart, Merlin!" Arthur shouted back, chuckling. "It is what the lady wishes. So what if we get a disapproving glare from my father? I assure you, I've faced far worse!"

"Would you two shut up!" Morgana huffed impatiently. "We're fighting to the death here, Arthur, I would hope you'd pay more attention."

She swung her blade over his head and then lunged forward. He dodged and parried her attack.

"Yes, _please_ pay more attention, Arthur," Merlin muttered under his breath.

"I'm paying attention!" he protested. "But you need to get your feet together, your stance is all wrong. Have you forgotten everything you've been taught?"

"Can I help it if I'm a bit rusty?" she snapped. "I don't exactly have daily sword training what with my life as a _Lady_ of Camelot. Now, what's wrong with my feet?"

Merlin swore if this continued much longer, his heart was going to give out. Seeing Morgana with a deadly blade at Arthur's throat didn't exactly calm the nerves. How on earth had it come to this?

Only a couple hours earlier he had gone in to wake Arthur, only to see him already awake and dressed for the day. He had ordered him to collect some things from the armory and bring it to the training field without giving a word of explanation as to what it was for. It was still relatively early so there were few people around to witness what Merlin would regard with sheer panic. Arthur was going to help Morgana take up her sword training again after she had been denied further tutelage when she came of age. Such activity was not befitting of a lady.

Morgana spun around and thrust her sword right past Arthur's side, it scraped lightly against the chainmail.

"Oi! Watch it!"

She laughed. "Perhaps you should defend yourself better, my Champion."

With newfound determination, he started to attack Morgana with a little more force.

"Perhaps you shouldn't goad me, my Lady."

She only seemed delighted at the increased vigor of their sparring.

"And keep your feet moving!" he barked.

Merlin really couldn't believe what he was watching.

* * *

Arthur and Morgana were practically inseparable for the rest of the week. When he wasn't rushing through his duties, he was off somewhere with her. They went riding every day alone together, a couple hours were spent early each morning for Morgana's combat lessons, Arthur accompanied her twice already to the village marketplace, and they dined together for every meal.

Merlin's initial concerns had developed into a full-blown panic. Gauis tried to dismiss his suspicions by pointing out that Morgana and Arthur had always been close growing up, so this behavior really wasn't out of the ordinary.

However, Gwen shared Merlin's feelings and grew more melancholy with each passing day. Arthur was avoiding all contact with her, even when they were in the same room he couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes. It hurt her more than she could say to have him treat her with such cold indifference. This wasn't the Arthur she knew.

Merlin tried to talk to Arthur about his sudden desire to spend time with Morgana, but he merely dismissed him, unwilling to discuss it. Then he tried to make a few attempts to keep them apart, such as forgetting messages and pushed him to go off hunting more often. It never worked and only resulted in Arthur thinking him more inept than usual. He brought up Gwen only once. Arthur's reaction had been so volatile that he dared not to broach the subject again. Merlin was utterly baffled as to what was going on with his Master. Morgana was plotting something and he was going to find out what.

It had been eight days since Morgause cast the enchantment when Morgana went to Arthur's quarters for dinner. He was there, standing at the head of the table as always, waiting for her. Merlin was nowhere to be found as Arthur had taken to making sure he left them alone. Instead of exchanging the usual pleasantries as they had fallen into doing, she simply walked up to him and kissed him on the mouth.

Arthur stared at her, dumbfounded, but she only smiled and seated herself. It took him quite a long beat to sit as well.

They didn't speak of it and he spent the rest of the meal watching her, not touching his food, while Morgana acted as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

The next day, when they went for a walk on castle grounds, Arthur kissed her back. She allowed it for a scant few moments before gently pushing him away.

The rejection wounded him deeply, but he was determined not to let it show. Fixing his gaze on the horizon line behind her, he asked, "Did I… should I not have done that?"

"What are we doing, Arthur?" she asked a bit impatiently, twisting her healing bracelet.

He didn't have an answer.

"Do you have feelings for me?"

Arthur couldn't believe she had to ask him that, Morgana was hardly that thick.

"I should have thought that obvious from what I just…"

"No," she cut him off. "I mean do you have… _feelings_ for me? Or is this just some passing fancy to hold your interest because if it is-"

"Don't even dare," he said vehemently, looking straight into her. "It is much… _much_ more."

Morgana didn't seem convinced and it surprised him. He never knew her to be so unsure, so evasive. From childhood, the one thing he could always expect from Morgana was that she would speak her mind, damn the consequences. What held her back now? She had kissed him, and allowed him to kiss her in return (at first). Surely that meant something?

"I know about you and Gwen," she said suddenly.

The words struck him like a fist to the gut. Morgana saw his reaction and turned away, distancing them a little bit.

"I doubt you'll try to deny it."

"H-how…who told you?"

"Arthur…" she said sadly. "I know you better than anyone. How could you believe I would _not_ see it?"

"I'm sorry - so sorry." He hung his head, ashamed. "It's true. I don't really understand what happened. I made a terrible mistake, I – I don't know how to repair it, but you must believe me, I never meant to hurt…" He wanted to say 'you' and then he wanted to say 'her', but neither seemed right. "…anyone."

Morgana looked at him after a long silence. "Are you still _with_ her?"

"No," he said strongly. "It's over. I'm not sure how it even started. I never thought…" he trailed off. "For as long as I can remember, my heart has only known one love, and however mistaken I've been these past two years, I swear to you… that still holds true."

She was quiet.

"Do you have feelings for me?"

"I…" she hesitated, "care about you deeply."

The reply couldn't have frustrated him more. "Yes, but how? As your friend? As your brother? As your…"

Her eyes landed on him sharply and the space between them seemed to crackle with electricity.

"We should go back," she said softly, head tilted towards the sky. "It will rain soon."

"Morgana…" He took her arm as she walked past him. "Please."

She seemed to recognize the painful need in him, the desperation to be put out of his suffering. With a deep breath, she raised her eyes to him and said the most beautiful words he had ever heard.

"I love you, Arthur. As a friend. As a brother. As a lover. So it has always been."

With that, she pulled away and started to walk back to the castle, leaving Arthur rooted to the spot.


	5. Chapter 5

It was during their morning training session the next day that Arthur told her he loved her too. Merlin was out of earshot for the moment and he had used the chance to tell her what he'd been burning to for days.

Morgana didn't react much at first and he tried to rationalize it by saying she couldn't be free with him with Merlin nearby, but doubt lingered until later that day. He was heading to the Throne Room to meet his father when Morgana suddenly threw her arms around him from behind and kissed his cheek impulsively before scurrying off again. His happiness was so prominent, even Uther inquired what had him grinning so.

By the following day, he was working up the courage to broach the subject of marriage with her. He knew unequivocally that Morgana was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He wanted her as his Queen, _needed_ her as his Queen. Together they would one day rule Camelot and there was no better person to have by his side. Why put off for another second what he knew so absolutely? He prayed to all the gods that she would feel the same - he could not bear a life without her in it.

Morgana kissed him hard when he asked her and then settled into despair. She was terrified that Uther would not approve and try to keep them apart. Arthur couldn't fathom a reason why his father wouldn't sanction the union. He adored Morgana. The people adored Morgana. There was no one better fit to be Queen. What reason could there possibly be? Still, she could not be assuaged. If there was a chance they were to be parted, she said she could not bear it, and he agreed wholeheartedly.

Then she brought up the idea of elopement. If they married in secrecy, legally, then there would be no way for Uther to break them up. Even if he hoped for Arthur to marry some lovely princess, which Arthur fiercely disputed he would ever allow to happen, the marriage would be sealed… sacred. Not even a King could dissolve it.

Of course he agreed to her wishes. Morgana wanted it as soon as possible, so that nothing could go wrong. He promised to send for the Archbishop immediately and with any luck, they would be married by the end of next week.

At no other time in his life had Arthur Pendragon been so utterly and repletely happy.

* * *

Dressed in her nightgown, but covered decently with her cloak, Morgana headed for Gaius's home in need of a sleep remedy since of recent her healing bracelet had not been as effective. Her sleep was fitful and she longed for a good night's rest. It was the least of her worries though for just a few hours earlier she had at last obtained the marriage proposal from Arthur and was absolutely delighted with herself. Soon she would be his wife and her place in Camelot's ruling power would be permanent.

Regardless of Uther's choice of action upon learning of the union, Morgana would have the tyrant's life ended as early as possible. Either he would announce her to be his heir and annul the marriage or he would stay silent and Morgana would take over after his death while Arthur became nothing more than her puppet. After waiting so long for this, she could hardly believe the time was finally upon her. She wished she could speak with her sister about it, but knew that they would have the chance to celebrate their victory later.

So lost in her musings, Morgana forgot entirely about knocking on Gaius's door and walked right in.

How was she to know her world would come crashing through the floor?

Merlin was standing over a pot of stew with his arm outstretched and his eyes aflame. The pot heated up and bubbled over, causing a mess on the table. He dropped his hand with a sheepish look.

"Sorry, Gaius," he said to himself.

"Yes…" Morgana said icily. "Sorry indeed."

His head snapped up in horror to see her standing there. He stumbled back a few steps in utter terror.

"Morgana! I didn't! It's not what you think. I wasn't doing anything."

"Oh, no?" she replied, taking a menacing step forward. "So you weren't by any chance…practicing magic?"

"Of course not! I wouldn't even know how!" He swallowed thickly. "I was only trying to prepare my dinner."

Her once toying, icy gaze twisted into something far more broken and vengeful.

"How _dare_ you," she hissed. "How DARE you!"

It was betrayal a thousand times worse than any dungeon stays at Uther's behest.

"Morgana…" He held his hands up pleadingly.

She was too far gone, the rage swept over her in a flash of violence. All her anger, her loneliness, the bitterness, of being forced to hide who she was, to fear for her life everyday and smile into Uther Pendragon's murderous face, to embrace a man who could drown in the innocent blood he had spilled, to be told that she herself was a monster for being born with such a gift, it all came boiling to the surface and she could feel the magic surge powerfully with it. In a massive eruption, it all exploded from her body at once and Merlin went hurtling back into Gaius's shelves causing a horrific crash.

The release made her feel lightheaded, she was not accustomed to using her powers like this yet. Slowly and blithely, Merlin stumbled back onto to his feet amidst the wreckage, hunched over in pain.

"You knew," she said with a quiet realization. "All this time."

He couldn't bring himself to look at her and the rage burned even more. She could feel the tears threatening to spill, but held them at bay. He looked guilty. He was guilty.

"When I told you I had magic, you said nothing. You could see what it was doing to me and you said nothing. YOU SAID _NOTHING_!" she screamed. "It was tearing me apart and all I wanted was someone to tell me that it would be alright, that they were there with me, that this world didn't exist to leave me utterly alone. I trusted you! And all the while, you were just pretending to be my friend? Was it a good laugh you had at my expense?"

"Please…" Merlin said, but she didn't know what he was pleading her for.

She scoffed bitterly. "You think me so evil and heartless, acted like you were _so much_ better than me. Oh, but you, Merlin… _you_ are a hundred times more cruel." She tried to keep her voice from cracking, but failed. "I would _never_ have done what you did. I would not have left you alone."

He seemed to have recovered somewhat from the attack and stood up straight. "No," he said darkly, "You just try to kill the people who love you."

"Love me?" she repeated in biting disbelief. "If any of them had even an inkling of what I really am, I would have been executed on the spot. Is that love? Besides, at least I stand up for what I believe in. What have you done? Whimpered and kowtowed to Arthur? Stood by like a coward as Uther murdered people before your very eyes for the same crime you yourself are guilty of? You've been protecting the man who would have all of us die simply for being who we are! What kind of a person are _you_ , Merlin?"

"One who would fight for the people he cares about until his last breath."

"And what was I?" she shot back. "Was I not worth fighting for? To deserve the truth? WHAT – WAS - I?"

He was taken aback, opening his mouth only to close it again. Tears sprang forth to his eyes but she had no sympathy for him, no pangs of consciousness, and only shook her head in disgust.

"Perhaps the world is not as black and white as you would like it to be. Nothing is ever that simple."

"Some things are."

"This isn't," she sighed, "which is what you have so utterly failed to comprehend."

Then Morgana realized something, something so utterly obvious it was embarrassing to admit she had not seen it before.

"It was _you_ ," she whispered, her eyes wide in amazement. "You're the one who's been thwarting me these past months. _You_ took the mandrake from under his bed. _You_ shattered the windows in Uther's chambers that night! _You_ found a way to get the bracelet off Arthur! Oh!" Morgana covered her mouth with her hand and began to laugh. "How absurd, I can't even bear it. Arthur's idiot servant turns out to be Camelot's greatest protector – a boy with magic."

"Morgana, you don't understand, I-I did want to tell you. You don't know how much…"

He looked so sad. It only made her angrier.

"But I was afraid, like you. There was a time once when I thought we could be on the same side, but you ended that. You took a path I could not follow, one of darkness, out of hatred, of vengeance. I tried to protect you!"

"By trying to kill me?"

"If I hadn't, everyone else would have died! You know that! I couldn't… I had to stop you, but I never wanted this. Any of this. For as long as I live, I will never forget what I did to you, but you left me no choice. Please, listen, whatever you've planned, whatever it is you want to do, it doesn't have to happen. You can change this, it's not too late."

"Keep talking, Merlin," she sneered, "Keep pretending you're so much better than I and go back to being Arthur's little whipping boy. Enjoy it while you can because soon, very soon… you will pay for what you've done."

Her gaze hardened and she turned her back to him.

"Don't do this!" he called out to her. "Don't let it come to that! MORGANA! IT'S NOT TOO LATE!"

Her footsteps were loud and echoing in the hall, Merlin's pleading followed her until she finally stepped out into the castle courtyard. The cool night air was a shock to her shaking body and she felt like her legs were seconds away from giving out under her.

Not here. You can't give up here. Just walk to your chambers. It's not that far.

She summoned all her strength and walked out across the courtyard, up the steps into the castle with no idea that another pair of eyes followed her from a window.

Arthur watched her go hurriedly up the steps.

* * *

She burst in through her doors, breathing hard of exertion and something else entirely. Thankfully, she'd had the presence of mind earlier to dismiss Gwen for the night. She'd been distancing herself more and more from the maid, even if it meant having to do some of her own chores, just so she would not have to endure Gwen's presence. She yanked off her cloak with more violence than necessary and let it drop on the floor. The room was dark, only a pale light shone through the window, hardly enough to move about her chambers with ease. She didn't bother trying to find a candle, she didn't want one. The darkness was a comfort.

Her hands went to her wet cheeks and she realized that she was crying.

What a stupid little girl.

But it hurt. It hurt so much. So much that her lungs burned. Her chest ached. That burst of magic could not have been the cause of all this. It had never been that way before. But then why did she hurt so?

Merlin. It was _Merlin_. The boy she'd trusted so implicitly. The only one who knew about her magic long before Morgause had taken her into her arms. The boy who'd poisoned her.

It shouldn't hurt this much.

The small shaft of light into the room caught her healing bracelet, her saving grace, a gift from her beloved sister. At least it had been when it worked. It was as if something in it had been severed because her nightmares had returned, she'd not slept well for days.

Morgana ripped it off her wrist and threw it across the room.

What good was it anymore?

Arthur rapped insistently at the door. "Morgana?"

She groaned. He was exactly what she didn't need right now.

"Not tonight, Arthur, I'm tired. I will speak with you in the morning," she said loudly through the door and willed him to go away.

As if that ever would have stopped him. He came in anyway.

"I saw you outside. You looked… is everything alright?"

"Didn't you hear me?" she said acridly. "I said NOT TONIGHT."

"Morgana-"

"I don't wish to see you. Leave me at once!"

"No."

"NO?" she echoed angrily.

Blood thumped through her veins. How could he be so damnably _thick_ all the time!

"God help me, Arthur Pendragon, GET OUT! Get out before I scream."

"You won't." He took a step towards her. "You won't scream because you do want me here."

She was fighting a losing battle, she could feel herself sinking. He would have her break wouldn't he?

"I don't! I don't want you! Arthur, please," she said, her voice had lost all strength, "please just go."

He touched her shoulder and she shoved him away, but he grasped her wrists. She wanted to hit him, beat him, wound him, so he would just leave her alone, but Arthur held fast.

And then she was in his arms, he wrapped around her tightly, and she could smell him all around her. It didn't happen immediately, but at some point she started to sob.

* * *

Morgana didn't know how long she cried for in his embrace like that. It felt like the tears would never end, every one of them was wrenched from somewhere deep within and she used the solidity of his chest to muffle her cries. Arthur never said a word, he only held her crushingly, running his hand up and down her back.

When at last the sobs began to subside, he led them both to sit down on the bed, careful never to let go of her. She allowed herself to lean against him, resting her head heavily in the crook of his shoulder. She wished they could stay like that forever because she couldn't face the moment where she would have to look him in the eye and lie yet again. One of his hands clutched low and reassuringly on her hip while he caressed her cheek with the other, gently brushing away her tears. It only hurt more.

At last, she could bear his kindness no longer. It felt as though she were being torn apart from the inside with each second that passed in his arms. Sitting up, she dislodged herself from him, trying to pull herself together again.

When it could be avoided no more, she steeled herself for the worst and looked at him. Then she wanted to cry all over again. He was so worried, filled with such tender concern for her - Morgana felt ill.

"Arthur, I-" she started shakily, but he stopped her.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It's alright. Only…" He closed his eyes sadly. "I-is it about me? Are you having second thoughts about-"

Morgana didn't know what came over her, only that every instinct in her screamed not to let him believe such a thing. The game didn't matter anymore. She just had to do anything to keep him from feeling that way, to keep him from hurting.

"No!" She seized his face in her hands and his eyes flew open. "No, Arthur," she said slowly and then managed a small grin despite everything. "For once in your life, you arrogant fool, it's not about you."

He exhaled forcefully and then made a face at her teasing. "I'm going to take that as a good thing."

It took her a few minutes to realize she had not yet released him, even longer to notice how she stroked his cheek with the pads of her thumbs. Arthur never took his eyes off her and covered one hand with his, pulling it forward so he could kiss her palm. Her heart fluttered at the feeling of his lips against her skin, her breathing became shallow and unsteady.

What was happening?

Morgana had kissed him before, chaste kisses that lasted mere seconds before she ended it. They meant nothing to her, she had felt nothing. It was only a means to an end.

But when Arthur's lips met hers this time, the gentle, insistent pressure was endearing and heartbreaking all at the same time. Morgana could not deny the flood of warmth that spread through her body. Her head spun and her heart raced wildly out of control. No one had ever made her feel like this before.

She wanted more.

What had first been a sweet and light sort of kiss suddenly became ravenous. Morgana fisted her hands in his hair and probed deeper into his mouth with such urgency, she surprised even herself. Arthur never even hesitated, he returned her kiss with every bit of passion she came at him with.

Groaning heatedly, he pulled her flush against his body and she whimpered at the new illicit sensations. It was dangerous territory, but the contact was so utterly delicious she could only rock against him greedily. He tasted so good, felt so good against her. Her body was on fire, desperately, wantonly, needing something only he could give. For any innocent fantasies she had as a young girl of what it would be like to kiss Arthur Pendragon, the reality exceeded it in every way.

She knew never again would she crave anything else as much as she craved this.

He pushed the length of her nightgown upwards, baring her legs, and roamed the naked flesh of her thighs. Her knees fell to either side of him as she settled on his lap. Both of them gasped at the increased intimacy of their position. He thrust up against her almost helplessly as she nipped, licked, sucked her way across his throat and jaw before coming back to his loving mouth. Arthur's hands were everywhere, seeming as though he could not find enough of her to touch. Before she knew it, she was lying on her back with him stretched out above her. The exquisite weight of his body pressed into her and Morgana moaned into his mouth.

The coldness registered before anything else.

She opened her eyes and realized with utter confusion that it was, in fact, she who was holding Arthur back. Her hands were pressed against his shoulders. He was nodding, unresisting, while breathing raggedly.

Why did she do that?

"You're right," he said hoarsely, unable to look at her. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"

Morgana wanted to say something, but then she met his eyes and saw the lust burning there. She shuddered involuntarily as it fueled her own. How much he desired her, how much effort it took to hold back. It would only take one word and she knew he would give in. He would give her anything she asked.

He could never say no to her.

"We just… can't… yet," she said shakily.

All she wanted was for him to close that aching distance between them and hold her again. She felt cold without him in her arms.

He nodded valiantly and stood, trying to gain some semblance of composure.

"Are you… will you be alright?"

Morgana could only bring herself to nod.

Leaving over her hesitantly, he paused, seeking permission. She tilted her chin up and gently pressed her lips against his. He exhaled heavily as they parted, but when he went to stand up straight again, Morgana held fast to the front of his shirt.

She gave him no words. No explanation. No request.

Arthur didn't need it. Kicking off his boots, he climbed under the blankets that Morgana held open for him. It mattered little that he was still dressed for the day.

He settled down next to her, cradling her in a secure embrace that she was relieved to have again. Sighing, Morgana lay against his chest, the rough cloth of his shirt pressed against her cheek, and she held him to her in return. It felt so inexplicably _right_ , Arthur made her feel safe in a way she had not felt since… well she could not recall. The boy who had always so easily incensed her, tormented her in childhood, made her lose all sense to frustration and anger - that same boy, who was now a man, turned out to be the only one who could ever make her feel so loved, so protected.

It was utterly baffling.

"Whatever it is that upset you," his voice rumbled deeply against her ear, "I promise it will be alright. I'll always be here for you. I won't ever go away… even when you shout at me to."

That made her smile.

"What if I _really_ mean it?"

She felt him shrug. "I'll know the difference."

"You think entirely too much of your abilities."

"Go to sleep, Morgana."


	6. Chapter 6

Gwen carried a tray that had a bowl of warm water and clean towels for Morgana's morning rituals. She had to be careful coming through the door so as not to lose her balance. So intently focused was she that she was nearly halfway into the room before she looked up and saw that her mistress was not alone in her bed.

Morgana and Arthur bolted up simultaneously at the sound of the crash.

"Wha-what is it? Who's there!" Arthur said, still half-asleep, and swung around wildly, poised for an attack.

Morgana, however, was more aware as she took in her maid's wide eyed stare of devastation.

"Gwen?" Arthur said nervously after a beat. "Gwen, I-"

But she spun on her heel and raced out of the room without a word.

He groaned and stumbled out of the bed to follow her, side-stepping the broken pottery and puddle of water in the middle of the floor.

Morgana watched him run out the door after her and could not fathom a single coherent thought. Everything was crashing down now, such barrage she could not endure. Numbly, she lay back down on her bed, staring at the wood panel above. She didn't even care that Arthur had gone after Gwen. So many things came at once that she felt nothing at all. Rolling to her side, she pulled a pillow over her head.

She knew it was childish and immature, but she desired nothing more than to go back to sleep. Perhaps the next time she woke, this would all be different. Why could nothing ever be simple? Why couldn't she be more like Merlin?

Oh, now that was a disturbing thought.

Morgana clutched the pillow tighter.

* * *

"Gwen! Wait! Guinevere!"

She never looked back and kept running. Arthur caught up with her easily enough though and took her arm.

"Please," he said, "Please let me explain."

She surprised him though. Instead of allowing him to talk, Gwen whipped around and shoved him hard.

"I don't care, Arthur! Whatever it is you have to say, I don't care!"

Tears streamed down her face despite her anger and he was wracked with guilt. She was such a good person, so sweet and kind. How could he have treated her this way? He had misled her, but how could he explain that he didn't _know_ he was doing it at the time? Honestly, he had believed he loved her!

What did that matter now?

He made her so many promises, swore to love her always, and now here he was… breaking her heart. What kind of a man was he? Didn't he always think himself so much better than the other knights who went to different woman's bed every night?

Not to say he didn't have indiscretions, but he always went into it with his intentions clear and tried to treat them with respect. Now look at him. How could he consider himself fit to be King when he so clearly loved Morgana and yet somehow deluded himself into an affair with Gwen?

"I should have known," she said bitterly. "I should have known not to believe you. How could I have been so STUPID? To believe the Prince of Camelot would love a servant girl."

"You're not _just_ a servant. It's not who you are. You're so much more than that, don't talk about yourself that way."

"Why did you go through all this?" she demanded. "Why profess your love for me time and time again, when clearly that was not the case? Did you want her all along? Did she refuse you and then you resorted to me? Was it a game to keep your mind off a broken heart?"

"No! Gwen, it wasn't like that. I don't… you have to believe me, I never wanted to hurt you."

He looked around them warily, to ensure that there was no one nearby to hear their rather loud conversation.

"I don't _have_ to do anything. I don't care that you're the crown Prince, it means nothing, because what you really are, is a liar, Arthur Pendragon! A liar and a-"

"I know what I've done" he said solemnly. "And it grieves me more than I can say that I have wronged you like this, but I did believe… when we were together… I truly did think I loved you."

Gwen stared at him with such open grief, Arthur could feel his skin crawl in self-loathing.

"But you really loved her?" her voice cracked.

He nodded. "I have always loved her."

"Arthur, please! Don't you see what she's turned into? How she's changed? She's not the Morgana we once knew."

"Gwen," he said warningly, "Stop now before you say something you regret. Morgana has done nothing wrong. You have every right to hate me, but she is innocent in this."

"Innocent?" she cried. "She's been manipulating everyone in this castle ever since you rescued her! Every word out of her mouth is a lie! She probably seduc-"

"I SAID STOP!" he roared. "You speak out of turn, Guinevere. She is your mistress and has been nothing but kind to you. Damn me if you will, but I will not allow you to speak of Morgana that way. You _will_ respect her! Do you understand me?"

"Perfectly, sire."

She walked away.

* * *

Arthur slumped back into the room, battle weary, and saw Morgana buried in bed with the pillow over her head. Despite the heaviness he felt for his actions with Gwen, he couldn't help but be a little amused by the sight. He went to her bedside and cleared his throat loudly. When she didn't move, he grinned even more, and tugged on the edge of the pillow.

"I don't think that's very Lady-like."

"I can hardly bring myself to care," was the muffled reply.

"And here I thought I was the morning grouch."

He unceremoniously yanked the pillow away from her and Morgana was about to yell at him when he covered her mouth with his, swallowing any heated words she had.

She curled her arms around his neck and firmly pulled him back into bed with her. Arthur fell forward chuckling, but never stopped kissing her. It was too soon when he pulled back reluctantly.

"I should go. If I stay even another minute…"

Morgana's fractured gaze both pained and confused him. Her mussed hair and swollen lips made the picture of perfection. He wanted to ravage her a hundred times over, never to leave her bed again, but the way she looked at him… he felt as though he had said something wrong. Then it disappeared and Morgana shook her head with a loving smile.

"Of course," she reassured him and ran her fingers through his hair, trying to smooth it down. He shivered ever so slightly at her touch. "You should go. I need to rise as well. I've spent too long in this bed anyway."

He grinned wolfishly. "Not nearly long enough, but… soon."

She only kissed his cheek in reply.

* * *

Uther had requested she dine with him tonight, which Arthur was unable to tend because of his duties with the guards. It was hardly unusual, he often asked it of her. She knew he grew lonely eating at the end of that long table every night. He couldn't ask his son too often because Arthur was supposed to have better things to do, duties to attend. Morgana dreaded having to sit through yet another meal with that wretched excuse of a man sitting across from her. But there she was.

They ate in silence for a while. She was literally itching with desire to leave the Hall and get as far away from Uther as possible. Of course, she thought ruefully, she could do no such thing. Uther was her loving benefactor, she would never run from him.

"I noticed you've been spending a great deal of time with Arthur lately. It pleases me to know you two are getting along so well… without it coming to blows for once." He added with a wink.

Morgana smiled pleasantly at him. "Maturity is entirely to blame. I find him much more agreeable these days. He is a good man, and will, no doubt, be a great King."

"Yes," Uther replied proudly. "I always knew Arthur would rise to his potential. Camelot will be in good hands." He sighed and glanced over her. "I suppose I should thank you for your part in that."

"My Lord?"

"You've always held such influence over him, Morgana. Arthur cares very deeply for you, always has, ever since you were children. I know how much your support and encouragement over the years has meant to him, so much that perhaps he would not be quite the same without you in his life. The death of your father was indeed a terrible tragedy, but I want you to know I have always valued your presence in our lives."

Morgana was nearly speechless.

"I…I…I quite thank you, my Lord. I am forever grateful in return for all the kindness you have shown me. I can only hope I have meant half as much to Arthur as you say. I care for him a great deal as well."

"Indeed." He smiled at her and raised his glass in recognition before taking a sip.

Arthur chose that moment to walk in.

"There you are! What report of the disturbance?" he asked.

Arthur gazed at Morgana with a secret smile before realizing his father had spoken. He shrugged and faced him, seemingly uninterested. "It was nothing, a mild altercation in the Lower town."

"Over what exactly?"

He was reluctant to say, but then admitted, "A woman was accused of sorcery."

"Sorcery?" Uther's eyes narrowed. "On what grounds?"

Arthur was dismissive. "There have been claims from a few of the townspeople that she has cursed them - with boils, different diseases, one man believes her responsible for the death of his livestock."

"You sound like you don't believe them," Morgana interjected carefully.

"I don't," he answered resolutely. "Sire, their accounts are extremely suspect. The complaints vary widely and all of them bear a grudge against her. She's a popular merchant in the town, I believe she sells a variety of things but is known for the quality of her embroidery. She has been very successful and other people have started to resent her for it. They believe she's taking away their business. They have every reason to try and stir up trouble for her."

"Are you talking about Adelia Malcott?" Morgana asked.

Arthur nodded and she scoffed disbelievingly.

"You know this woman?" Uther inquired.

"Of course! I've been going to her for years! She's the most darling woman in the world, everyone knows her. She's hardly a sorceress!"

"Nevertheless," Uther looked to Arthur, "Do these people have the afflictions they claim?"

"Er… yes, I suppose… but I really don't believe-"

"How many have accused her?"

"Five… so far," he sighed.

"Then we can take no chances. Five people are hardly one merchant bearing a grudge. Arrest her and send for the executioner."

"A death sentence? Father! That's completely-"

"The law will stand. She has been associated with magic with witnesses to support it."

"What witnesses?" he said frantically. "I told you these people just-"

"I have no desire to argue with you, Arthur. You have your orders, go."

"She's an innocent woman!"

"Can you say that with absolute certainty? You've no proof she hasn't used magic."

"You've no proof she has!"

"If she's suspected of sorcery, the risk is worth taking. If we gave her the benefit of the doubt and it turns out we were wrong, it could come back on us tenfold. I won't let her go with the chance that one day we will regret it! Now, do as I say!"

"This isn't right," he said angrily, "surely you're not so blind as to see that?"

"That is enough! How dare you speak to me like that! I am your King and you will do as I order you to! ARTHUR!"

But he had already left the room. Uther groaned at the sound of his son's retreating footsteps and looked at Morgana irritably.

"Will I have to hear from you too or have you learned sense enough?"

Morgana was silent, but her goblet trembled under a fierce grasp.

* * *

Cautiously, Merlin cracked the door open to Morgana's chambers and peered inside. He hadn't seen Gwen all day yesterday and was growing worried. It wasn't like her to be so secluded. They were usually running into each other all over the palace.

Not seeing anyone in the room, he ventured a quiet whisper, "Gwen?" He didn't want to chance coming across Morgana.

When there was no reply, he felt safe enough to open the door entirely and crossed the threshold.

"Gwen?" he called again louder.

There was still no answer, but he wanted to check the antechamber just in case she didn't hear him. On his way through, a glint caught his eye. Curiously, he looked to see what it was and saw something sticking out from underneath the wardrobe. He wasn't quite sure why it interested him so, but crouched down and picked it up. Turning the soft metal over in his hands, Merlin knew he was holding Morgana's healing bracelet. She never took it off since Morgause gave it to her, except for when the Goblin had stolen it. He was puzzled as to why it would be so haphazardly left on the floor like that.

Strangely, the longer he held it, the more he could feel something calling to him. There was magic emanating from the object, drawing him in, pulling closer, it was nothing like he ever associated with healing magic. It was darker… sinister.

Did Morgana know what it was she wore?

Of course she did. Merlin dismissed the thought. Why would he be surprised that Morgana possessed an item of black magic? He only wished he knew what its purpose was. Did it have something to do with what she'd been plotting recently? Gauis had said it was only a healing bracelet with the mark of the House of Gorlois, but perhaps she had enchanted it to be something else?

Merlin debated taking the bracelet with him, but eventually decided against it. She would soon realize it was missing and he couldn't risk being found with it. Looking around the room, he knew he better get out of there, Morgana could come in at any moment. He left the bracelet in the same way he found it and exited through the antechamber. Gwen wasn't there.

Later, he finally found his friend at her home, in the middle of the day oddly enough. He knew there was something terribly wrong the moment he saw her. She wasn't crying, but he could see she had been doing plenty of it.

"Oh, Gwen. What is it? What happened?"

She told him everything. How distant Arthur had been. How changed he was around her. How much it bothered her to see him and Morgana together. How she came in yesterday morning to see them asleep together in bed. What Arthur had said to her afterwards.

And there it was. Merlin had finally discovered what Morgana had been up to these past weeks. He felt sick. Killing Arthur was one thing, but to seduce her brother was another thing entirely. It's true she likely didn't know she was Uther's daughter, but all the same… this was beyond anything he had believed Morgana capable of. She must have enchanted Arthur to fall in love with her, there was no way he would ever do anything like this otherwise. Guinevere was Arthur's love, he had seen that plainly, and now Morgana was ripping their lives apart.

He wasn't going to let that happen. He'd have to break the enchantment somehow. Gaius would be able to help him.

Merlin spent a little while longer trying fruitlessly to comfort her, but eventually had to excuse himself. Gwen agreed, reasoning that she needed to go back to work before Morgana had her sacked, if she hadn't already. Truly, she did not expect to have her job after this, but Merlin disagreed. Morgana needed to have someone she knew around her, someone she could easily manipulate, rather than risk a stranger puttering around. He didn't tell Gwen this, only reassured her that it would not be so.

They parted at the main stair that led into the palace with Merlin turning to her with one last look of support before she walked away. He knew he needed to stop Morgana. That was the only way he was really going to help Gwen, to help them all.

* * *

"I see Morgana has not yet turned you in," Gaius said when Merlin walked through the door.

He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Suppose not."

"You don't sound surprised. I would think this development cause for at least some kind of concern?"

Merlin seated himself at the table. "I dunno, it's… complicated."

"Complicated?" the older man repeated, raising his eyebrows.

He nodded uncomfortably. "Maybe she doesn't want to risk being associated with magic at any chance. I… ah, we don't need to talk about this. There are more pressing matters at the moment."

"More pressing than your secret being held in the hands of a woman who is out to destroy Camelot?"

"As a matter of fact..."

Merlin quickly relayed what he discovered and his conversation with Gwen. Gauis was appalled to hear about Morgana's newest endeavor and began to pace.

"Uther will never allow the marriage. He'll refuse them outright."

"But he won't say why, will he? I mean, even then he won't admit that it's because Morgana is his daughter."

"Precisely. My concern is for what will happen when he refuses them. You've seen what Arthur's been like before under this kind of magic. He won't listen to reason, he will do anything to marry her, even defy the King."

"So we'll stop it before that happens."

"Her bracelet…" Gaius pondered. "It is meant of healing, of goodness, why would you feel dark magic from it? From what I can ascertain, it is quite effective. Morgana has needed no sleeping draughts since."

Merlin shrugged. "Perhaps she's using it for something else now?"

"You don't think it's related to the enchantment on Arthur?"

He shook his head. "I saw it on the floor, stuck under her wardrobe like it hardly meant anything. If it was used to enchant him, she would never be so careless with it."

Gauis frowned deeply, looking away.

"What is it?"

"There are many love spells, enchantments of a kind, too many to name even. We have to find out how she's done this. Otherwise, there's no way to know how to break it. We have precious little time."

"How are we going to figure out which one it is? It's not like I can just walk up and ask her. 'Oh, Morgana, I know you're busy seducing Arthur and all, but if you wouldn't mind just letting me know which spell you used on him… What's that? You're going to kill me? Fantastic, I'll be popping off now.'"

Gauis was unamused.

"Honestly, though. I can search her chambers again, but if I don't find anything…"

"Why hasn't she turned you in?" he demanded again suddenly.

Merlin avoided his scrutinizing gaze uncomfortably. Of course, he had his theories on why he wasn't lying on straw in the dungeons at this very moment, awaiting his execution, but none that he wanted to talk to Gaius about. Gaius wasn't there last night, he hadn't seen the look in her eyes when she finally knew his secret at long last.

He didn't see how devastated she was.

Merlin didn't want to tell him mostly because he didn't think the older man would understand. Gaius was his closest companion, like a father to him, but there were still some things they would never see eye to eye on. Morgana was one of them. It had been at his insistence that Merlin kept himself hidden from her, when there had once been a time he wanted nothing more than to tell her. To share himself with her in a way he had never been able to do with anyone before.

Now… he knew logically that Morgana was lost to them. He had seen it. She was merciless and cruel, nothing like the woman he had known before. But somehow last night… it was like he saw her again for the first time in far too long. Not completely, of course, but a glimpse. He didn't want to be duped into believing her as he had done before, but it buried a nugget of doubt in him that he couldn't shake.

There was something in their exchange last night that had Merlin both feeling safe and inexplicably more worried. He didn't understand himself what had happened, what it was that changed, only he knew that Morgana needed to be stopped. Beyond that… he just didn't know.

"I'm not worried about her exposing me right now. We need to-"

"Merlin, there's something you're not telling me."

"It's not like that. I just… it's a feeling. That's all. A hunch."

Gaius was about to argue more with him when Merlin held his hand up to stop him.

"I want to talk to her."

"What!" he replied incredulously. "Talk to her? Morgana is well beyond reason and has been for quite some time! What is so different now?"

"I can't explain it. I just need to do this. Maybe I can convince her to stop pursuing Arthur."

"Merlin… use your head! She is not the woman we once knew. You've tried this path many times before. It is beyond that now. You'll only put yourself at greater risk."

Gaius pleaded with him to change his mind, but Merlin had decided the moment the words came out of his mouth. There was still a part of him, after all this time, that believed she couldn't be what the Great Dragon had told him. That he could help her. That it could change. That there was more for them than just enemies facing each other on the battlefield.

"I have to try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you found the Uther part a bit weird, it was supposed to be. That's really what it's like on the show all the time, he's either a super nice guy or a raging a**hole trying to kill everyone. It's extreme, a never-ending cycle like he's bipolar or something. They make you hate him then throw in a 'Oh, look! He really is a good person after all!' Then it's 'Oh, no, wait. Sorry. Wrong. He's still a bastard.' I was just trying to be true to the show (to a certain extent anyway). If you didn't think this at all, then by all means, ignore me. :)


	7. Chapter 7

It was evening as Morgana walked back to her chambers when a body suddenly stepped out in front of her, causing a collision.

"I beg your pardon-" she started and then realized who it was. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Take the spell off him, Morgana."

Her face was a blank mask, a talent shaped from many years in Uther's court, but inside a panic sparked.

How could he know?

"I don't know what you're talking about, get out of my way."

She tried to sidestep him, but Merlin continued to block her.

"What are y-!"

"He doesn't love you."

She flinched, taking an involuntary step back before she even realized what she was doing.

"He never will. You say you're doing this to end Uther's reign, but what you're really doing is hurting two innocent people that have done nothing but care for you. Is that part of your righteous cause?"

"I am sorry that Arthur's feelings for me grieve you so, Merlin," she said coldly, raising her chin, "but I assure you, I have done nothing to him save been a friend."

She pushed him hard so that she could get past, but Merlin grabbed her arm reflexively and held fast.

"Take the spell off of him," he said again imploringly. "Do you really want the crown this way?"

"Let go of me!" she cried incredulously at his bold manner and tried to twist her arm away.

They heard heavy footsteps racing down the hall. In the blink of an eye, Merlin was torn away from her and slammed against the wall. Morgana could hear the sickening crack of his skull against the stone. His eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"If you _ever_ put your hands on her again," Arthur seethed in a barely restrained, dangerous voice Morgana had never heard from him before. "I swear to God, Merlin, I will put you on the block. Do you understand me?"

Merlin couldn't speak, could hardly keep his eyes focused, Arthur held his forearm crushingly against his windpipe. He called for the guards and tossed the boy into their hands, ordering that he be taken to the dungeons.

"Arthur…" Merlin croaked. "I didn't-"

"Get him out of here!"

Morgana could have sworn she saw tears in Merlin's eyes. He had to be nearly carried away by the guards, half unconscious from the blow. Arthur immediately turned to her, running his hands worriedly over her to ensure that she had suffered no injury.

"I'm alright, it's-"

"What happened?" he snapped, still checking her over.

"Nothing," she said and grabbed his arms to make him still. "Really, Arthur, it was nothing at all. You didn't have to be so-"

"He put his hands on you," he said tersely. "Merlin is lucky I did not do worse. Tell me what happened."

Morgana had little time to plot out a plausible excuse, so she did what she could and spun a quick little tale. Merlin had fancied her for some time now, but it was always just a harmless little thing. However, when he had come outright with his affections for her, she was forced to reject him, and he didn't take it all too well. It had just gotten a bit of hand, but the whole thing was silly and should be forgotten.

Arthur wasn't entirely convinced. "If you would like me to sack him or dole out a punishment more severe, it will be done."

Obviously, it had occurred to her that all she had to do to get rid of Merlin was tell Uther that she had witnessed him using magic. Even if Merlin tried to expose her in return, they would never believe him. She had the perfect chance to be done with him once and for all, yet she didn't take it. She had no idea why.

Now, Arthur was standing before her, looking at her expectantly, offering yet another perfect opportunity to have the meddlesome servant out of her way. Why didn't she leap at the chance?

It was the look in his eyes that stopped her. He was blatantly under her sway, but she could see how the encounter with Merlin had pained him. He cared a great deal for the boy, though he would sooner fall on his sword than admit it. Any enchantment put on him, couldn't take away the connection he had with Merlin. While his words said one thing, his eyes said another. They begged her not to make him send Merlin away, implored her to be merciful. He would banish the boy from Camelot if she wished it, but Morgana could see how much it would hurt him.

And she couldn't bear it.

"That's not necessary," she said with a sigh. "Only… be sure he keeps his distance?"

"Of course!" he said with conviction and she could see a hint of relief behind it. "You won't see hide nor hair. Besides, a few days in the dungeons will set him straight."

Morgana smiled reluctantly. "I'm sure it will."

He tried to change the subject and took her hand affectionately. "I've heard word that the Archbishop will be in a nearby town by nightfall tomorrow. We'll slip out after dusk and go to meet him. It's all been arranged."

He was so eager, so hopeful.

She kissed him and let him walk her back to her chambers.

* * *

It was late in the day, the sun was setting, when they dragged Merlin's lifeless body from the Great Hall. Arthur watched them go with tears in his eyes and his jaw clenched painfully.

"I didn't want to believe it…" he said hoarsely. "When you said you thought he might be behind my father's assassination… I just didn't want to believe it. And then he comes after my wife? I came so close to losing you. Morgana, can you ever forgive me?"

She rested one hand on her swollen belly and touched his shoulder soothingly with the other.

"Fret not, my love, all will be well."

He took her hand lovingly and faced her. The guards had left the room by now, they were alone. Morgana's eyes flickered to something in the shadows before she smiled upon Arthur.

"For now it is your turn."

Morgause came up swiftly from behind and drove a dagger into Arthur's side, twisting the blade hard into his body. His eyes went wide and he fell to the floor.

"Morgana…" he choked.

She didn't even look at him.

"I'll go to the maid's home at once," Morgause said, brandishing the bloody dagger. "The guards will easily find it."

"Dear, dear, Guinevere, to kill my beloved husband over something such as petty jealousy is a tragedy indeed. Who would have ever thought sweet Gwen could do such a thing?" Morgana pouted mockingly. "She will be executed at dawn and I will be _forced_ to take my place as ruler of Camelot."

"Until your child is of age," Morgause grinned. "Then magic will rule over Camelot for centuries to come, never will such persecution again occur."

"You must go now," she said, "There is little time."

Morgause kissed her cheek and left through the side door. Morgana looked down at the dying Arthur Pendragon and simply watched as the life drained from his body as quickly as his blood pooling beneath her feet. Even after his heart stopped beating, those crystal blue eyes stayed open, gazing up at her.

_Victory._

Morgana woke screaming.

* * *

Gwen ran into the chambers in a panic. When she realized the scream was the result of another nightmare, and not imminent danger, she took her mistress by the shoulders to calm her.

She had barely touched her before Morgana threw her off and jumped out of the bed. Taking deep, gasping breaths as she stumbled to the middle of the room, the woman was nearly unrecognizable. She was like a wild, caged animal as she paced back and forth, unsteady and shaking. A smoldering tension emanated from her with such violence that Gwen was truly frightened.

Then, without warning, Morgana screamed again. Only this one was not of terror, but of absolute fury. She flew into an hysterical rage, grabbed a vase off the table and shattered it against the wall.

Gwen tried to call out to her, get her to stop, but her voice was stuck in her throat. She had never seen Morgana like this before. Fear kept her frozen.

Morgana whirled around the room madly, ripping everything she could find to shreds. She tore down the curtains at her window, swept everything off her vanity, tossed her chair clear across the room in a display of strength she didn't know she had.

Something ignited, Gwen could feel it in the air, Morgana was in the midst of swinging round when she saw her eyes catch fire. Without warning, the mirror of the vanity shattered with such incredible force that all the glass blew into the room and she ducked with a scream, covering her head.

Trembling, she had no idea what Morgana was going to do next, Gwen stayed there for a few minutes until she realized that there was no more noise. Hesitantly, she looked up, but didn't see anyone there. Standing, she surveyed the wreckage of the room with horror, and caught a glimpse of something by the corner. Careful to step over the shards of glass and torn curtains, Gwen went closer and saw Morgana sitting on the floor in the shadows. She had her arms over her stomach with her back against the wall. She wasn't crying, only sat there with wide, unseeing eyes.

There was a commotion outside the door and a few heavy bangs of a fist pounding, startled Gwen. Morgana looked at her.

"OPEN UP! Lady Morgana! Is everything alright?" a guard called.

Gwen started for the door without even thinking of what she was going to do when she got there. With one more look at Morgana, she turned back and cracked the door open barely enough so that she could see the crowd of guards waiting anxiously in the corridor.

"We heard a disturbance, let us in," the one in front said, already pushing forward.

"No!" Gwen heard herself say and blinked in surprise. What was she doing? Her heart was pounding against her chest. "I mean, all is well. I accidentally broke a mirror. Nothing to be alarmed over. Please don't make my mistake any worse than it already is."

The guard was wary. "Even so, let us in, just to be sure. We need to check all disturbances of this nature."

"You can't!" Gwen said a little too quickly and then corrected herself. "My Lady is in a state of undress, she won't have a bunch of guards traipsing into her room at this hour of the night. Wake the Prince if you feel it so necessary."

The lead guard balked at that, obviously not wanting to disturb Arthur if it proved to be nothing. He knew the Prince wouldn't take kindly to it.

"Er, yes, alright - if that's all it was."

"That's all it was."

"You should be more careful then. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," she replied and smiled at them until they all walked away.

Closing the door behind her, she exhaled loudly in relief. Taking a moment to recover, she summoned up her nerve and went back to Morgana who was in the same place she was before.

Gwen knew she should have let the guards in, have it be reported to the King. Yet, there was still a tugging sense of doubt. She couldn't betray Morgana so easily, so many years of loyalty and love was still ingrained in her. She still wanted to protect her mistress, despite everything.

"Morgana…?" she ventured worriedly and knelt down before her. "Are you alright?"

Her green eyes flashed up to meet her, so fierce and wild that Gwen couldn't bear to hold her gaze for long. It was like it hurt somehow.

"I can't do it," she said. "No more."

* * *

"What do you mean, her bracelet is off?" Morgause hissed into the shadows of the forest. "How can she refuse your influence?"

_Morgana Le Fay has turned from us. The bracelet infused with our magic has been rejected. It no longer holds sway. Never have we denied free will, such as it is not meant to be, only offered guidance. Now she with the Sight has refused her calling and will abide us no longer._

"That's impossible! She would never do that, she has sworn fealty! It is her destiny to bring magic back into our realm, you know that, you have foreseen it!"

_Destiny is many things and shapes itself in ways we cannot hope to comprehend. There is much to come for Morgana Le Fay, but her place with us is no longer._

"No! I refuse to accept that. I'm of her blood, she would not betray me."

_She already has._

"But you said she would bring life back to Avalon. That she would be magic's savior. How can that have changed so irrevocably? It has long since been foretold!"

_Changed? What change? Foolish witch! The knowledge of time and prophecies are infinite and ephemeral. This is far beyond your ability to grasp, do not make the mistake of believing you understand even the slightest of what has yet to pass. The Sidhe have no more use for you, enchantress. Do not dare to call on us again._

Morgause was left standing alone in the middle of a black forest. They beckoned her no longer. The shadows loomed that much closer.

* * *

Morgana waited just outside the city walls, hidden well in the shadows. She wasn't there long before Gwen rode up on her horse. They said nothing.

As her maid handed her the reins, she couldn't escape the worried gaze. So much had happened, so much had changed between them. Still, she would never forget all that Gwen meant to her growing up in Camelot - her closest friend, constant companion, and unfailingly loyal servant. She hated to think what Gwen thought of her now.

She pulled herself up onto the horse, taking a few minutes to arrange herself. They stayed there in a pressing silence before she worked up the courage to find her voice again.

"I have one more thing to ask of you, Gwen, and it will be the last I ever do."

The other woman looked up at her sorrowfully.

"Don't tell anyone I've gone. They'll find out soon enough anyway. It is for the best, you know that. You were most kind to me, my best friend for so many years in this lonely place. I can only hope that one day you will be able to find it in your heart to forgive me the wrongs I've done you."

"My Lady…"

Morgana turned up her hood, enshrouding herself in the glittering purple.

"Make him happy, Guinevere."

And then she rode away.


	8. Chapter 8

It was with a very different feeling that Morgana rode up to the cottage with this time. The windows were still dark and the roof was still caved in, but she knew better.

With a shaking hand, she knocked. There was no reply. She peered round the door cautiously before fully crossing the threshold.

Morgause sat silently by the fire, not once looking up to meet her. Swallowing thickly, she closed the door behind her and steeled herself for what was to come.

"Hello, sister," the other woman said.

It was a greeting she had heard many times before, but never with such an icy edge. Morgana was sickened.

Did she know already of her failure?

Morgause stretched her arm out, beckoningly. "Come… sit with me."

She couldn't shake the feeling of there being something very… very wrong.

* * *

Arthur leapt up the stairwell, two steps at a time, in order to reach her chambers faster. One of the guards had alerted him to a disturbance in the Lady Morgana's quarters. Her handmaiden had claimed there was nothing wrong, but the guard knew that if he did not report everything to Arthur, there would be hell to pay.

Arthur didn't really believe there was anything wrong, especially if Gwen was there, but he wanted to be sure for himself anyway. If nothing else, it was just an excuse to see her. He hadn't been able to sleep at all, the recent memory of her warmth next to him as they slept was both a pleasure and a torment. Perhaps she wouldn't object to repeating it tonight.

He knocked softly, but there was no answer. Assuming she had already gone to sleep, he walked in quietly. Glass crunched underneath his boots and even though it was dark, he could see the wreckage that remained of Morgana's once impossibly tidy chambers.

Fear seized his heart as he wildly took in the shards of glass, the torn curtains, the broken furniture. Where was she? The bed was empty. He shouted her name and searched the room to no avail. No one was there.

Such powerful rage burst through him, he thought he might die from the strength of it. Vision blurred and his whole body trembled with violence. He would run his sword through whoever it was that dared to do this. If they hurt her… they would suffer more than ever thought humanly possible.

Arthur was just about to run out and yell for the guards, sound the warning bell, send out the entire army to look for her, when Gwen entered from the antechamber.

Her eyes landed on him and she gasped.

"Gwen! Did you hear anything? Did you see?"

She only stared at him, unwilling to speak.

It was then that Arthur realized that her surprise was due to his presence and that she hadn't reacted at all to the state of Morgana's chambers. The guard's words echoed in his head.

_The handmaiden was there. She sent us away._

Gwen had seen it. She sent them away. She knew.

In a flash of savagery, he grabbed her arms, yanking her hard.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HER? ANSWER ME, GUINEVERE!"

There was a look of terror in her eyes that might have once pained him to see, but all he could think about was Morgana. Where was she? Was she hurt? Was she…

"TELL ME!"

"A-Arthur," she said weakly, "She left."

He released her at once and ran out of the room.

Gwen folded her bruised arms against herself and cried.

* * *

They sat in front of the fire for a long time without speaking. Morgana was too ashamed to admit anything yet and Morgause didn't seem to care to talk. She gave away nothing.

It felt like hours before her sister finally spoke again, her voice after the long silence sounded much too loud.

"Your bracelet," the blonde said, looking at Morgana's bare wrist, "Why do you not wear it?"

Taken off-guard, she touched her wrist reflexively and shrugged. "Oh, I must have left it in my quarters."

Of all the things she expected to hear, the absence of her healing bracelet was not one of them. So far from her thoughts now, she hadn't even remembered she wasn't wearing it until it was pointed it out.

"There's something I must tell you," she said, steering the conversation to a place she so desperately did not want to go.

"I thought as much."

* * *

Merlin was drifting in and out of consciousness when he heard a familiar voice in the other room. Only it was through a thick fog he heard, his head still maliciously pounding from Arthur's earlier assault. Blinking, he stood up from the dirty straw and freezing stone floor of his cell, and tried his best to listen. Before he knew it, Gaius was standing in front of him looking panicked.

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly, coming to meet him at the metal bars.

Gwen was so distraught after her encounter with Arthur that she went to Gaius and told him everything that had happened. Shortly after Arthur had left her, she saw him riding out of the courtyard at a full gallop, looking wilder than she had ever seen him.

Gaius knew that Merlin was the only one who had a hope of saving Arthur.

He waited only until the older man was well out of the way before using magic to put the guards to sleep and freed himself from the cell.

* * *

"You know already, don't you?"

Morgause shook her head, looking into the flames. "Tell me."

"You were right. It was a mistake to try what I did, I wasn't ready for it."

"You're in love with Arthur," she said more as a statement than a question.

Morgana bristled uncomfortably at the accusation. She wasn't prepared to go there just yet.

"I care for him," she admitted, "and we made a terrible mistake."

Morgause finally looked at her for the first time since she walked through the door.

" _We_?" she hissed.

" _I_ made a mistake," she clarified, trying not to let Morgause's venomous look affect her. "Arthur's not the enemy, he never was. I was blinded, so stupidly blinded, by my anger for Uther that I forgot who Arthur truly is. He's not the kind of man you believe him to be."

"Your feelings for him cloud truth you don't wish to see. The Prince will be every bit the tyrant his father is."

"Sister, you are my blood, but I have known Arthur Pendragon for more than half my life. I know his heart. He is arrogant and impossibly condescending, but there is such goodness in him. His nobility comes not from birth, but from the strength of the kind of man he is. You have witnessed that yourself. Even though he tries to respect Uther, I know for a fact he does not share his father's feelings about many things, including magic. I should never have let it get to this point. Uther is the one we fight against, him and all his vile, ignorant ways. We fight _his_ oppression, to end the suffering, not Arthur."

The more Morgana spoke, the deeper the lines grew in Morgause's face. She was teetering on an unknown precipice.

"Please don't misunderstand me, I know more than ever now that Uther must be stopped, and I am still willing to do all I can to that end, but…"

She stopped and took a deep breath, unable to shake the feeling that she was betraying the woman in before her. Morgause had taken her in, sheltered her, helped her develop her magic, given her control, given her power, given her love, given her acceptance. How could she be sitting here, refusing her? But Morgana knew what she had to do.

"I don't want the crown. I won't be Queen of Camelot."

She expected Morgause to react with some volatility, perhaps to yell at her or try to convince her otherwise. Maybe even to leap up in a fit, but she just sat there, silent, staring.

Somehow that was so much worse.

"So…" she spoke quietly, "Once we end Uther's life, what do you expect will happen? Are we to just let Arthur take the throne? See if he fares any better? Watch and wait to see if he will continue his father's bloody reign? If he does… we will be too late to stop him."

"I believe Arthur will be a just King. He loves his people, he's loyal and compassionate. He does not possess the cruelty that I have both witnessed and endured at Uther's hands. He will lead Camelot well and with time… magic will live again in peace."

"You know this for certain? You have foreseen it?"

Morgana shuddered as the memory of her dream earlier that night flashed back into her head with a vengeance. Arthur's lifeless eyes staring up at her. Her stomach lurched.

"I- I have had no such vision. I simply… know."

"Well," Morgause scoffed and stood up from her chair, "You'll forgive me, sister, if I don't take your word on this. Just because you _know_ is not reason enough for me to be convinced that Arthur Pendragon should be allowed to rule."

"Do you have no faith in me? Do you trust in my judgment at all? I would swear on my life by what I have said. Please, I beg of you, trust me. The sooner Uther is removed from power, the better for us all. Arthur will take over and things will change."

"You know what this is, don't you? You know what it is you've done?"

Morgana was alarmed by the tone in the other woman's voice.

"What are you talking about?"

"This is betrayal, sister," she said dispassionately. "You have given your allegiance to Arthur."

"No!" she cried in disbelief and jumped to her feet, ready to fight every word of it. "I am still every bit as devoted to you and our cause. Morgause! You're my only family, I love you so dearly. I would never forsake that. I only need you to understand that Arthur is not an obstacle in our way. He is not the enemy. My loyalty lies always with you, this doesn't change that!"

"If that is true, then you would know that the only way for peace to be brought back to Camelot is for the Pendragons to die and for you to take the throne! Those with magic must be in power if ever we are to have a chance. You have lost your way!"

"I have found my way," she corrected her sadly. "I cannot be part of something that will hurt innocent people. It's not what we're fighting for and I will never forgive myself for having lost sight of that. Sister, please, do not be this way. Try to see reason."

"Do you honestly harbor any illusions that you will still have his love when this is over? That because you spared his life, you can share his bed? That you will be justified? You cannot be with him. If Arthur ever found out about you having magic, he would never look at you the same again. In his eyes, you will have become a monster. Is that the kind of man you believe should be on the throne?"

Morgana's eyes narrowed angrily. Morgause was trespassing on grounds she had no right to be on, blood or no.

"I am no fool. I do not desire to be anything to Arthur once we have succeeded. In fact, I hope to never lay eyes on him again. Even if he doesn't accept magic outright, he won't persecute us. It's not his way. You will take the spell off him and he will have his rightful Queen. Their rule will be far better than anything we have ever seen. Do not speak to me of _illusions_ , Morgause. I see more than you know."

Strangely enough, the other woman started to laugh. It was no heartwarming sound, but shrill and unkind. It made the hair on the back of her neck rise.

"Oh, not a fool are we? Silly child, have you any idea of what has been happening before your very eyes? You see _nothing_."


	9. Chapter 9

Arthur galloped at a break-neck pace through the dark forest. The guards at the tower reported seeing a figure riding to the north and he knew it was her. With no idea as to what happened or what he planned to do - why her chambers had been in such a state, why she felt so frightened that she had to leave Camelot, leave _him_ \- he still went dangerously through the woods, risking his very life at such speed.

All he could think about was finding her. When he did, surely he would be able to convince her to come back! She would listen to him, wouldn't she?

He just had to find her.

By some saving grace, it had rained earlier in the day so the ground was soft and he was easily able to pick up the fresh trail. She had gone through the forest of Ascetir, dangerously straddling the border of Cenred's kingdom. Arthur couldn't fathom where she was going or why she had left, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Not until he was with her again.

Finally, the forest ended and he burst out into the openness. After a few minutes of barreling across a high grass meadow, Arthur reined back his horse in horror. He had lost her trail. Doubling back, his gaze rapidly swept the ground to see where he had gone wrong and soon he discovered that he hadn't lost her trail, but instead it had simply… vanished. He knelt by the last track and lightly traced the hoof print. There were no more beyond it, as though she and the horse had disappeared into thin air.

Baffled, Arthur looked around trying to discover some clue as to what happened, but all he saw was an old ruin of a cottage sitting at the foot of the hill. She wouldn't be in there, would she? The house was barely standing, looking like one good storm is all it would take to knock down the walls down for good. Still, what other choice did he have? There was nothing else left to him.

Unsheathing his sword cautiously, he took his horse's bridle in the other hand and led them both nearer to the cottage.

* * *

Morgana tried not to let Morgause's vicious turn unnerve her, but failed.

"W-what are you talking about?" her voice wavered.

She rolled her eyes. "All that time spent preparing you, all my efforts, UTTERLY WASTED! How dare you do this to me! I should have known better, I should never have let this happen. I was stupid and now I pay for my mistakes."

She spun around to face Morgana, coming up so close that their noses were almost touching.

"You _will_ be Queen. I did not wish for it to come to this, but I will do what I must. If you defy me then you will face the consequences, and, my darling sister, you do not want that."

Morgana stared her down with hard eyes. "Do not threaten me."

While she may have been portraying a somewhat calm exterior, Morgana's heart was breaking. She expected Morgause to be upset, of course, but not like this. Never did she imagine this. Were they not sisters? Were they not allowed to disagree yet continue to love all the same?

The malice in Morgause's voice was petrifying. This was a side of her sister she had never seen and it was hideous. She didn't want this to happen! How would she survive losing her love after all else had been forsaken? Morgause was the one last thread she clung to with every bit of hope she possessed. She had saved her from the evils of Camelot, shown her another way, given her strength, and now? Her sister would stop at nothing to do what she believed right, to kill Uther and Arthur along with him.

Morgana knew this would the end of them.

It took all she had not to sob.

"Camelot will have magic on the throne otherwise all is lost. Those without magic can never be trusted. They fear us, they envy us. Our power is far greater than anything they will ever experience in their ridiculously puerile lives. Albion will never know peace if we do not go through with this. It is you who are destined for the throne, not Arthur."

"I don't believe that."

"Someday," she sighed, "someday you will see that."

"If you try to hurt him…"

"You'll what?" she retorted angrily. "Strike me down? You know I could kill you in a heartbeat if I so wished it."

"You would murder your own sister?" she said coldly.

"It would be the hardest thing I would ever do, but yes… if I had to, I would… to serve a greater purpose. As would you in my place."

"Please!"

Morgana suddenly went up to her and took her hand, holding it tightly against her stomach. It was a last ditch attempt to salvage what was being so utterly destroyed in this last hour. Just one more try, one more chance to save them. To save what so little she had left. Her grip was fierce and imploring.

"Please, do not be like this. Let us find another way together, all is not lost. We don't need to be at odds, I am with you."

Morgause snatched her hand away. "You are with him."

Her eyes fell closed in a devastating defeat.

So it was done.

A few tears slipped out before she blinked them away and prepared herself for what was to come. This was mourning now. Everything was gone. Ripped away senselessly so that she had none left to grasp on to, the world telling her she did not belong. Bitter tears blurred Morgause's vision as well. It seemed both women understood the gravity of loss that night.

"All this for _Arthur Pendragon_!" she spat. "Did you notice nothing unusual these past years? You proclaim this great love for him, yet it took you this long to see he was in the servant girl's arms? I am utterly astounded by your lack of perception. Then again, your abilities as a Seer have always been pathetically weak."

"I don't know what you mean."

She was hardly even listening anymore. What did it matter? Nothing mattered.

"How could you really care for him if you did not even notice his sudden and unrelenting passion for another woman? I suppose my spell worked better than I had ever hoped."

Morgana looked at her in alarm. "Spell? What spell?"

She shrugged uncaringly. "The enchantment I placed on Arthur to have him feel for you? It wasn't the first I have performed on him. Before I made my presence known in Camelot, I spelled Arthur to fall in love with your serving girl, it was going on almost three years now. You never saw a bit of it, did you?"

Morgana slumped against a table behind her, gripping the edge for support. The revelation hit her so hard, her head spun.

"Why?" she asked hoarsely.

"He was in the way. I needed him distracted. It worked perfectly… not that it helped."

Before Morgause ever came to Camelot, she had felt Arthur slipping away from her. She had thought it was her fault, that she had distanced herself from him too much. Discovering her magic and living each day terrified about what would become of her? Despite all else, Arthur was still Uther's son. How was she to know if he would still accept her? It was too hard to lie to him all the time, to watch her every word around him, so she just stayed away.

He never seemed to care much or even notice their lapse, so she let it be, and tried not to think about the pain it caused her. Other things came. Morgause became her life. Then she was gone from Camelot.

It never occurred to her that Arthur's indifference was a product of anything else but that he did not return her feelings. She had just accepted it.

Could she have been so blind all this time? Were they all just Morgause's pawns? She had fooled herself into thinking she was the exception, but now… oh, she had made such a dreadful mistake.

"What are you going to do to me?"

She could try to run, but it would be futile, she would be dead before reaching the door. Morgause was much more powerful. Her years of experience, contrasted with Morgana's utter lack of it, rendered her without a fighting chance. She was at her sister's mercy now.

Hadn't she always been?

Morgause tilted her head to the side, clucking her tongue.

"Dear sister…"

She touched her cheek as she had done many times before, her hands soft and warm, but instead of comforting her, it made Morgana's skin crawl. Her body trembled fearfully, but she did her best not to let it show, kept her breathing as steady as possible.

"Do not worry, I will make this right again."

Morgana never had the chance to ask what that meant because the door was thrown open with a thunderous crash.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" Arthur roared.

He was on Morgause in an instant, the swinging blade gleamed in the firelight, but he wasn't fast enough.

"ARTHUR, NO!" Morgana shrieked.

Before he had a chance to reach her, Arthur was thrown back violently into the wall and collapsed in a heap on the floor. Groaning, he tried to get up, but his side had been punctured by a piece of wood.

Morgause took a step forward to finish him off, but suddenly she was thrown back to the other end of the cottage, crashing into the shelves.

His vision wavered for a moment before he finally succumbed to the pain.

In the blackness, he saw Morgana's eyes glowing with fire.


	10. Chapter 10

"You don't know how much I wish you hadn't done that."

Morgana froze mid-step before she was able to reach the unconscious Arthur and turned to see Morgause glaring at her, seemingly unharmed in the least.

"He was only trying to protect me."

"To use the very magic I taught you _against_ me, your blood, your only family?" She gestured furiously to Arthur. "For him? He means nothing!"

"He means _everything_."

Morgause stared at her unblinkingly for a moment then shook her head, turning to Arthur. "This is absurd. I'm ending it now."

"Then you will have to kill me to do it."

There was no warning. Just before Morgana felt the pain rip through her body, she could have sworn she heard a man's voice shouting.

* * *

Morgause spun around to see who had so foolishly dared to interfere.

" _You_."

Merlin stood in the doorway, his hands clenched into fists held at his side. He was panting hard as he surveyed the room. Arthur was face down on his stomach, not moving, while Morgana lay lifelessly off to the other side amid the debris. Even though he tried to throw the sorceress off, Morgause's attack had still grazed her. Fortunately, the ceiling took the full brunt, not the woman.

"I knew you were stupid, but honestly, boy, this is quite the accomplishment. Have you any idea what you're dealing with?"

Merlin leveled his gaze at her and reached into his pocket. In the blink of an eye, he was twirling Morgana's gold bracelet round his finger before laying it flat on his palm.

"I've had some time to think lately - dungeons are good for that - and I started in on this. Interesting trinket you've got here. Yet, all the answers I came up with weren't anywhere near the truth. You see, all this time I thought it was about Morgana, about what she wanted, about her vendetta - but it stopped being about Morgana a long time ago, didn't it? Ever since you came in. It was you. You spelled this bracelet, you gave it to her, you've been manipulating her all along, just as you've done everyone else."

Morgause had let him talk till now, somewhat amused by his lack of awareness, and also because she was the slightest bit curious about what he would try. She was unfortunately disappointed.

Sighing, she said, "Did you honestly believe you could just show up like this, talk my ear off, and then make some vain, worthless attempt to catch me unawares so that you might rescue your darling Master? How is it possible that the Kingdom still stands with idiots like you all in it?"

Her eyes flashed with magic, but Merlin was ready for it, he threw up his hand and countered her with ease.

Nothing happened.

Morgause stared in disbelief.

"Actually, I was pretty sure it was going to take more than that. _Solumeh_."

She gasped as the air around her thickened, becoming viscous, threatening to smother her. Chanting, she tried a spell to break its hold, but it was useless. Her arms were trapped at her side helplessly, her legs locked, as the emptiness around her somehow became a solid stickiness holding her in.

"Secrets…" she murmured almost delightedly. "Everyone always has their secrets. Such power you've been holding out on me, Merlin. Suppose Arthur wasn't such a fool to keep you around after all."

"Not that he would _ever_ admit it."

Merlin appeared eerily calm for such a dangerous situation, but it was far from the truth. He was going out of his mind with terror, not knowing if Arthur was still alive or how badly Morgana was injured. Was he too late? He didn't take Morgause for granted, wary enough not to even consider turning his attention away long enough to check on them. He had to be on his guard every moment in case she broke through. Soon, he would kill her, no other recourse left to him, but there was something he needed first.

Morgause was calm as well. In fact, the only appearance of concern occurred when Merlin had first revealed his magic to her. Other than that, she was taking everything in extraordinarily good stride. She didn't even seem all that bothered that she was trapped and at his mercy.

The bracelet was in his palm again as he turned it over with faux inspection.

"The dark magic in this… I didn't recognize it at first, but I have felt its kind before. The Sidhe."

Morgause raised an eyebrow in approval.

"What would a powerful enchantress like you be doing consorting with creatures like the Sidhe? Couldn't you have simply spelled Morgana to do your bidding on your own? Why go through the trouble?"

She narrowed her eyes mischievously and smirked. "Curious, is it not?"

"You don't wish to tell me?"

"Perhaps if you tell me first what is in it for you?"

His casual demeanor all but vanished. Anger leapt to the surface and whipped between them as the two stared each other down. Morgause had taken his friend from him, from all of them. She had hurt Morgana and Arthur more than she could ever understand. There was no doubt in his mind that he would make her pay for the crimes.

"What did you do to her?" he demanded heatedly, patience gone.

As he mumbled under his breath, Morgause inhaled sharply. The pressure around her grew, making it more difficult to breathe. She wasn't going anywhere until he had his answers.

Huffing, she glared at him. "Very well, if you insist. It was only ever meant to help my sister. She needed strength, I gave that to her. It was never about control, unlike what you wish to believe."

"Strength?"

"Of the Sidhe." She nodded. "I opened a link between them, using the bracelet, and allowed them to influence her. Slowly, but surely their essence infiltrated her. Faes are purely magical beings, they possess no soul. They exist without conscience, outside the boundaries of moral quandaries. They pay no mind to the code which we humans think we live by. They are entirely without remorse. That is exactly what Morgana needed – to be free from the pain we needlessly endure."

"You took away her humanity?" he said, horrified.

"Idiot!" she bit impatiently and rolled her eyes. "To put it in words you could understand, I suppose you could say it suppressed it. A pleasant side effect was the temperance of her visions, a respite, since she is not skilled enough yet to control them. Their influence gave her the opportunity to grow beyond such useless emotions as guilt, as compassion. She carries such anger within her, a profound bitterness, it only made the magic stronger. Every day she wore it, she grew more powerful. It was truly a wonder to watch."

Morgause looked at Morgana's still body out of the corner of her eye and gritted her teeth.

"Then she spoiled everything."

"You mean she rejected it," Merlin insisted. "Morgana fought what the magic was doing to her!"

"Doesn't really matter now, does it?"

Before he had a chance to reply, a swirl of light came blasting towards him and he barely was able to jump out the way in time.

Morgause held her palm out threateningly. His spell no longer had any effect.

"Oh, Merlin," she clucked her tongue. "You didn't _actually_ believe that silly little thing was enough to hold me? I only wanted a minute to gather my resources. I quite thank you for that."

Lightning shot through the opening in the ceiling and he screamed as it pierced him. Eyes filled with gold, Merlin frantically summoned his magic, using all the strength he had to push the energy out of him before it burned him alive.

Morgause laughed. "Now, let's see what kind of power you really have."

* * *

The throbbing in her head hit long before she could open her eyes. Blinking, she tried to clear her vision, but the pain was excruciating. Everything was a blur. Her face was wet, but she could hardly move her arms to wipe it off.

She lived – but how? Morgause's attack should have killed her. The only reason why Arthur had survived the initial blow was because he caught her unaware. It hadn't been a fatal strike. Yet, what she hit Morgana with should have killed her in a second.

Flashes of light swirled all around her, voices were shouting in a rage, chanting at odds with the other. With wonder, she noticed that a large hole had been blown in the ceiling and she was staring into the night sky now. Debris lay all around her, she was covered in dust.

Get up. You have to get up.

It was all she could manage to roll on her side. The world swayed before her eyes, spinning brutally. A blinding pain shot into her head and she vomited.

She had to get up.

Wiping her mouth with a dirty hand, she desperately tried to focus and see what was happening, barely able to make out the blurred figures.

It was Merlin she heard first. He was shouting at the top of his lungs, words she did not understand, but recognized enough. His eyes were blazing as great gusts of wind ripped through the tiny cottage, causing the walls to tremble precariously. She knew it wouldn't be long before the whole thing came toppling down. Morgause was fighting back fiercely - the two sorcerers were locked in a tremendous battle. For everything Merlin sent at her, she returned tenfold.

Morgana watched on in awe. She knew Merlin had magic, but never did she think for a moment he had this. An enormous storm of power was raging all around him, bursting from within. He was filled with such magnificent energy, a glorious sight to behold. The magic he called upon, he was doing things she had only ever believed Morgause capable of.

How little they all knew him. No, they didn't know him at all. To them he was just a sweet, bumbling servant. Loyal, Merlin. Caring, Merlin. At times dense, Merlin.

As she looked at him now, she realized he had been hiding every bit as much as she had. All that power, all that magic, trapped and stifled inside with none the wiser. She didn't know whether to resent him or love him more – if she was honest, it was both. He too suffered, in such a way they could share, and yet never said a word. All that time, right beside her. Perhaps he did value her too little. Or perhaps she was not sympathetic enough.

The air around them pulsed alive as they called upon elements that uprooted the very foundation of life. Merlin stumbled under a barrage of Morgause's attack. She was using a spell she considered one of her favorites, Morgana had seen it several times before, a turmoil of wind and lightning that formed a glowing red spiral and threatened to consume whatever was in its path. Merlin was straining to push it back, but Morgause was winning, her power was too much for him. He shook his head, as though to clear it, and tried harder, but the tornado just inched closer and closer. Morgana's heart dropped out.

Merlin was going to lose.

In the battle, they had turned themselves around. Merlin stood a few feet away from her, while Morgause was on the opposite side. It took everything she had to move. The pain in her head was so intense she could not stand, could hardly see, but she needed to help him. It was all she knew.

Crawling with unbearable slowness, Morgana managed to reach him on her hands and knees. With her last bit of strength, she reached up and clasped his hand tightly. Merlin startled at the touch and tried to yank away from her, but she held fast. He was torn between holding Morgause back and trying to shake Morgana off.

"TAKE IT!" she shouted over the pandemonium.

Something was dripping into her eyes, she knew it was blood, but didn't care. Morgause couldn't win.

"WHAT?" he screamed back.

Wind whipped around her violently, her hair was in her face, she could feel the swirling magic crackle against her skin. They couldn't see Morgause anymore, she had disappeared behind the onslaught bearing down on them.

Morgana had no voice left and instead she did as her sister had taught her. Closing her eyes, she focused on that tell-tale place deep within her, the one she had so long forced down, so long repressed. Of fear. Of shame. She let herself connect with it, let it flow into her in a steady stream, let it swell until she could hold it no longer and then with all her might, she pushed it out of her and into him.

Merlin gasped, their joined hands began to surge with a brilliant golden light. She knew he was feeling it. Instead of trying to pull away from her now, he latched onto her hand with a fierce grasp, and suddenly the wind died away.

Morgause's voice was heard across the chasm, yelling in frustration. Morgana tried not to listen and kept her focus on their connection, continually pouring her magic into Merlin. Apparently, he was a quick learner, because he soon figured out how to draw it from her, to let it flow between them, instead of having it be done with force. The one arm she held herself up with trembled violently under her weight, but she had to hold on, just a little longer. Merlin could do it.

Then the blinding red light was gone and Morgause was standing across from them, breathing hard, and looking utterly worn. Her gaze snapped straight to their hands and she screamed with rage.

"HOW COULD YOU?"

It tore her heart to hear such devastation in the voice of the woman she loved so dearly. Tears fell hotly onto her cheeks, but she never let go of Merlin.

"I am sorry, my sister, but the world can never be the way you wish it."

Suffused with the addition of Morgana's magic, Merlin was nearly exploding with power. Just before he released it in a terrible barrage, the other woman set her arms down in defeat, knowing she was lost. Brilliant purple lightning struck down from the sky and collided with the magic springing forth from Merlin's outstretched hand. It was a thunderous crash and for one terrifying moment, the cottage was so filled with fire and light that Morgana had to turn away.

It was as though someone had tried to split the earth open.

Then it was over. Morgause was there no more. There was no light. No magic. They were alone in the darkness with the moon shining above them, lingering in that period before the dawn. It wasn't time to leave and yet it stayed a bit too long, as though stretching itself by extraordinary measure just to glimpse the sun. The cottage had been blown to pieces and hardly even a foundation remained. Bits and pieces were strewn about for as far as she could see across the meadow.

Morgana released Merlin and finally collapsed to the ground. It didn't hurt so much anymore, she felt like she was just drifting away. There was darkness, one that had nothing to do with the night, trying to take over now. She knew when she gave in, it would be the last time she ever closed her eyes.

Someone took her into their arms and she wished it was Arthur, but knew that couldn't be true. Words whispered into her soothingly and then she started to feel very warm, almost uncomfortably warm. It was as though life was rushing back into her, what was once hazy and intangible now burst forth with shocking realness. She was present in the world once again.

With a jerk, Morgana sat up, gulping down the cool air of the early morning. Her heart raced wildly and she tried to calm her body from the severe stress it had just endured. The pain was gone, replaced only with a bone weary exhaustion. Her gaze landed on the place where she saw Morgause last. Only a black little patch of earth marked where her sister had once been. It was all that was left of her now.

Tears fell endlessly, silently, wretchedly.

Long, wiry arms surrounded her.

"I killed her. She was all I had, Merlin, and I killed her."

"She was never all you had."

He sounded as though he was so much older – was wise the right word? No wonder Morgana had never questioned him before, how could you not believe every word that man said?

Then he was gone and she stared a few moments longer at the scorched earth before looking round for where he'd gone. She saw him crouched over a body a few feet away and remembered.

Frantically, she leapt to her feet and went to his side. Arthur was on his back, his skin an unspeakable shade of gray. There was a dark puddle at his side that she knew was his blood. She touched his cheek and wished she hadn't, he was so cold. Merlin had removed the wood that impaled him and now his hands were on Arthur's forehead, eyes closed in concentration, as he fiercely spoke an enchantment.

She did not deserve to have any of her prayers answered, for all that she had done, the world should banish her to the pits of hell, but if any goodness existed… even the slightest bit of it… Please.

Please. Don't let him be taken. Please.

It was all she could think, over and over, just that one word.

Please.

Merlin opened his eyes in frustration. She knew whatever it is he tried, it had not worked.

"Dammit, Arthur," he said, "Not again."

He said another incantation, and for one long moment it seemed as though that too had failed. Then she felt a spark, magic ignited between the two men, and Merlin fell back heavily. He was weak and exhausted, but smiled at her.

The color was back in Arthur's face now. She could see the slight rise and fall of his chest, whereas before he had been inhumanly still. At last, she could breathe again. She hadn't even realized she was holding it until she sucked some oxygen to her burnings lungs. With sobbing relief, she fell over his chest and clutched him fiercely.

"He'll wake in a bit," Merlin said reassuringly. "He always takes his precious time coming round."

Morgana heard him speaking, but he sounded so far off. All she could see was Arthur's sleeping face, all she could feel was him beneath her fingers. She leaned forward brushed her lips against his, wanting nothing more than to feel him respond and nothing more than for him not to.

It was with drowning despair that she knew what she had to do.

Merlin was too weak to even stand, healing them both had taken a great toll on him. So Morgana cleared the area away as best she could, and used some of the broken wood from the destroyed house to start a fire. They spoke little, only when he would continually reassure her that Arthur was going to be alright. She believed him.

They didn't speak of anything else, probably because neither was quite ready for that yet. No more secrets left now. They each knew the most intimate part of the other, a part that had so long been hidden away. It was both exhilarating and frightening to have yourself so exposed to another.

Really… what would they have said anyway?

Daylight was starting to break over the horizon and she urged Merlin to rest because of all that he had been through. He didn't refuse, as it was he could hardly hold his eyes open.

Lingering over Arthur for just a little longer, she committed every line to memory as though it hadn't been already. He had always been an attractive boy, even as a child, they used to say he had the face of angel. How she loved to tease him for that. Then he grew into a man, one of the most handsome of men, and he _knew_ it. So cocksure and arrogant, Morgana often despised his attractiveness simply because he knew she thought so. All her taunting when they were children came back tenfold on her as Arthur would smirk and constantly accuse her of fawning over him. Never did she want to wring his neck more. How dare he think she desired him? How dare she let it be true?

And it was true, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself otherwise. She did desire him, so much to the point of embarrassment, which made her rebel against it all the more. It wasn't as though he ever made it easy. He really was an insufferable prat. And she would never love another man more.

At last, Morgana tore away, no tears now, just a grim determination. She searched the lightening landscape for some sign of their horses that had broken free in the chaos. Hopefully, there would still be one nearby otherwise she would have a much worse journey before her.

She slipped away into the thick of the forest.


	11. Chapter 11

Arthur woke feeling cold and bruised all over. With a groan, he looked around to see what had happened to him. Embers smoked from a small fire pit. Merlin lay a few feet away with his back to him.

Sleeping. As always.

Where were they? He didn't recognize anything.

The events of last night flooded back to him and he leapt to his feet in terror, ignoring his body's protests.

Morgana! Where was Morgana?

"MERLIN!"

The boy bolted upright.

"Gah! Wh-what? I'm awake!"

"WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE IS SHE?"

"I – wha?" he rubbed his eyes blearily, looking around. "I dunno, she was just here."

Arthur grabbed him by the back of his shirt and hauled him to his feet.

"Do you _see_ her here?" he hissed angrily.

Gulping, Merlin, looked around worriedly, now having grown more awake.

"She was here when I fell asleep. I think- I think she might have left."

"LEFT?" He was completely at wits end. "LEFT TO GO WHERE? WHERE ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DOES THAT WOMAN THINK SHE'S GOING?"

"There's something you need to know about-"

But he didn't ever hear him. Arthur had already picked up his sword and was scouring the ground around them for some sign of her. Strange debris lay everywhere, all over. He couldn't make sense of it. What was it from? What on earth had happened? He felt like he was going mad.

"Arthur, please listen, last night-"

He whirled around him.

"How did you get here? You're supposed to be in the dungeons! And what happened to Morgause?"

Merlin held his hands up, trying to get him to slow down, but Arthur was beyond that.

"If you would stop long enough to let me explain-"

"I CAN'T!" he yelled and then caught himself.

Being out of control was not going to help anyone. He had to get a grip, think, otherwise he would be useless.

"Merlin…" he tried again more evenly, "we have to find her. Okay? Let's… let's just find her and then you can explain everything."

That seemed to make sense to him because Merlin immediately shut his mouth and started to search with him for any clue that showed which way she went.

But everywhere he looked, Arthur only saw her eyes of fire.

Morgana.

* * *

Merlin had almost forgotten about the enchantment on Arthur until he saw that wild gaze. A man possessed (quite literally). Morgana hadn't the chance to remove the spell yet, and he wondered for a fleeting moment if she intended to do it all, then instantly felt guilty for thinking it. She wouldn't have gone through all of this, standing up to Morgause to save Arthur's life, only to keep it from him by way of falsity.

Instead, the best he could do is help Arthur find her. The man would not rest until he found her, found his answers. It was about damn time.

Honestly, he hadn't been altogether surprised that Morgana was gone when Arthur so rudely woke him. He half expected it, but the amount of magic he had exerted rendered him unable to do anything else but sleep and hope she would still be there in the daylight.

She had looked so lost, absolutely broken by what had happened. Merlin was at a loss for how to comfort her. She helped him kill her sister. What do you say after that? Sorry? It was for the best? She was evil and deserved it? None of that changed the fact that it was her sister and she had loved her. Why wouldn't she want to run as far away as possible?

Only now that left him with the burden of having to spin a story for Arthur to understand if they didn't find her. Would Merlin be forced to reveal that Morgana had magic? Would Arthur believe him? Would he believe anything he said if he dared to suggest Morgana's betrayal? He could explain away the worst of it by Morgause's cursed bracelet, but Morgana had been falling long before Morgause ever arrived.

Arthur was a few paces away, scouring the ground, when Merlin heard it.

_To the east…_

That was strange. Arthur had not spoken. It sounded and felt like nothing like he had ever experienced before.

_To the east…_

The voice was inside his head, but it was not at all like what he experienced with the Druid boy. That had been a singular voice, this was many. They were all speaking as one, clear and yet discombobulating. Mordred talking to him through this way had always felt like an invasion he could not shut out, but this voice, these voices, it rather felt like they were coming from a place inside of him, a place purely of magic.

Without another moment's hesitation, he started running in the direction they said. For some reason, he knew he was going to be led to Morgana.

Arthur called after him, but Merlin didn't bother to try and answer, he just followed the directions as they were given. Arthur had no choice but to go after him.

* * *

Morgana had spent the last ten minutes trying to coax the horse into letting her approach. The events earlier still had him spooked and he refused to let her near. The saddle had turned itself over, and the bit was astray, but he was otherwise unharmed. For a moment she wondered who had brought him, it wasn't the one she took. Was he Merlin's or was he Arthur's?

Finally, he calmed enough that he allowed her to touch him. She stroked him soothingly, trying to right the askew bridle and worked on the saddle. When she was certain the horse had tempered enough to allow her to ride, she started to pull herself up when his voice came from behind her.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Morgana nearly lost all semblance of control and rested her forehead against the horse's smooth neck just to keep the tears at bay. Why? Why did he have to find her?

She didn't dare turn around, staying precisely where she was.

"Leaving."

Just one foot in the stirrup, that's all it would take, and she would be in the wind. Riding hard and fast away from anything ever having to do with the accursed Camelot and Arthur Pendragon.

"And you're going to go… where exactly?"

"It does not matter."

"Don't even think about getting on that horse," he said warningly.

He must have seen her preparing to make a run for it. Now he was ready to counteract. Her chances of a smooth escape were much less now.

"You saved my life using magic. I saw it. You're not going anywhere."

So he knew. After all this time. It didn't faze her as much as she thought it would. In fact, she hardly felt anything at all. He knew she had magic. What of it? On the grand scale of all that had happened these past years, the mere ability to do magic registered hardly a tremor.

"Why?" she threw back dully. "So you can arrest me? Drag me back to Camelot? Throw me in the dungeons? Have me burned for my crimes as a _witch_ on the square? Never."

"How long have you…" he swallowed and tried again roughly. "How long?"

"I have always had magic, Arthur. I was born this way."

"All these years… you've stood by my- _our_ side, knowing all along…?"

"Would that were my worst crime."

Damn, her voice was betraying her.

She needed to stop it here, before he managed to talk her into something that could not happen. He had to know everything, that way he wouldn't act this way anymore. He would stop acting as though he… cared… and then she would either be dead or free.

"What does that mean?"

When she didn't reply, she could tell that made him angrier, the initial shock was fading.

"How could you not have… all this time! You should have told me!"

"Told you what? That I was one of the people your father hunted like vermin? Let you hand me over to him? I cannot imagine why I didn't think to inform you."

Turning around at long last, her eyes fell on Arthur first. He looked fairly disheveled and worn, but his eyes said another story. She knew exactly what it meant, having seen it firsthand nearly every day of her life. He was ready for a battle.

A movement from behind caught her eye and Morgana saw Merlin standing off to the right, shuffling anxiously, as his gaze darted between the two of them.

She dug her nails painfully into her palm and did what she had to do.

Yes, she had magic. Morgause was her sister by Gorlois. She hadn't been taken from Camelot against her will, she was rescued. (Arthur was confused, Merlin looked alarmed, and she amended it, saying that she went willingly).

So it went on.

How she wanted Uther dead. What she had done to make it so. The more she told him, the more unraveled he became. Trying not to look at him, she pressed onward. The worst of it was barely even touched upon when Arthur was telling her to stop. But she couldn't. There was so much more he needed to know. She told him that he had been enchanted to love her, so that she could seduce him and take the crown.

The look on his face was like none she had ever seen before nor could describe. Such that she would walk on fire and swim the seas just to make it so that he would never again look that way again.

It made her feel like she wanted to die.

"When?" he asked quietly.

"A few weeks ago."

"Is it on me still?"

"No, it died with…" She couldn't bring herself to say the name. "She cast it, it ended with her. You are free."

Morgana knew she had to go on, but Arthur didn't look like he was listening anymore. It was like something had broken in him. He seemed so far away, his eyes glossed over in a fog. It had appeared the moment she admitted her betrayal and only worsened since.

Oh, Arthur. He had many faults, of that she would readily admit, but his moral code he valued above all else. It was one of things she loved most about him. Most admired. Truly he was a unique sort of man for she knew there were so very few of those like him. It was how she knew so certainly he was destined for something far greater of that of the ordinary man or even the ordinary King.

He believed in, if nothing else in this world, the value of honesty, of loyalty, of honor. It was the very heart of which he based his entire person upon and she had just crushed it to pieces. A person he cared for, a person he had grown up with and shared his life with, a person who was so close to him, had betrayed him in every way possible. Everything he stood for, she had thrown back in his face.

Morgana did not regret everything she had done. Some choices she would always believe right. Uther was an evil presence in the world, he deserved to die, and he should have died by her hand. Camelot would have been better for it. But this… to have hurt the man she loved so cruelly… she would never forgive herself for this.

Suddenly, Arthur changed. The fog snapped away and he broke forth in a terrible state.

"You're lying." His voice was so cold, so foreign.

"I'm not-"

"STOP! Just stop! I've had enough."

"Shout all you want, Arthur Pendragon. It won't make it any less true."

The ring of his blade pierced her ear almost painfully. Her heart leapt into her throat. Arthur lunged toward her like a mad man. She wasn't quite sure what happened until she smacked hard against the rough bark of a tree. Cool steel was digging into the flesh at her throat. She was scared to even swallow for fear it would nudge the blade too far.

"Arthur!" Merlin cried in horror. "Don't do this!"

He was too far gone to hear.

"YOU'RE LYING! ADMIT IT! YOU'RE LYING!"

Tears she didn't know she had left rolled down her cheeks. She couldn't speak. Arthur was completely out of control, inches away from her nose, his face red and his eyes beyond madness. He was so hurt, so enraged. Morgana knew she deserved whatever it was he was going to do and so she did nothing.

"JUST SAY IT!" he roared. "YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO - GODDAMN YOU! IT'S JUST A LIE. SAY IT!"

"Arthur…" She said in barely a whisper, shaking her head. "It is not."

The explosion with which he had come at her was fading now. She could see him returning again, returning through the fog.

"JUST SAY IT! PLEASE!"

Tears streaked down his face. The sword was trembling in his grasp, he looked like he was using all his strength to hold it steady. Anger had dissipated. Now… he was just begging.

"Please, Morgana," he said wildly, "just say you were lying. Don't you see? That's all you have to say. That's all."

There were no words left in her, they had all been said. Closing her eyes, she waited, but the blow never came. It took her a few moments to realize that the steel was gone from her throat.

She watched as Arthur stumbled back a few paces, listlessly dropping his sword to the ground where it bounced with a dull clang.

"Go," he said flatly. "You are banished from Camelot. If you ever step foot inside the city walls again, I will have you executed. Leave at once."

"Wait!" Merlin cried and she was startled to hear his voice, she had forgotten he was there.

"Shut-"

"You need to listen to me," he cut Arthur off unapologetically. "Both of you."

Morgana was back over by the horse once more, but turned to him sorrowfully at his words. What could he possibly try to say now?

"Arthur, she was enchanted too."

Terror swept through her like wildfire. No, Merlin! Not this way!

"Don't you dare!" she said frantically. "I won't have you lying on my part, just let it be, Merlin!"

She would not have gone through all of this just to let him create more lies, no matter how well meaning. The truth was out now. Arthur was letting her go. Please, Merlin.

"It's not a lie," he replied imploringly. "Morgause admitted it just before... Your bracelet, the one she gave to you years ago, it was spelled. She's been using it to influence you all this time. Give it a chance, truly think about it, Morgana. If you look inside yourself, you will know what I say is true."

She stared at him hard for a long moment, her mind an absolute blank, and then her hand went to touch her bare wrist of its own volition. The first thing Morgause had ever done when they met was to offer her that bracelet. Tonight, its absence was the first thing she pointed out. Morgana recalled the look of hurt she had when she saw it was missing.

It had been her savior these past years, giving her respite from the seemingly never-ending terrors in her dreams. But was that all it had done? If asked even just this morning, she would have answered a resounding no, but the woman she saw last night… that woman was not the sister she had known. Had everything been a lie? All this time?

Oh, God…

A look of tentative hope sprung to Arthur's face. He was teetering on a precipice, desperate for anything to hold onto.

"Why did you take it off?" Merlin asked her carefully.

She shrugged helplessly. This couldn't be. It just couldn't.

"I-I don't know. It wasn't helping me sleep anymore, it just… didn't feel right. I wasn't even thinking about it."

"Merlin," Arthur said in a strained voice, "you're telling me she is not at fault for what happened?"

"Not for what she has done with Morgause," he said confidently. "It was a spell that caused her to act that way."

"This isn't right!"

"Morgana," Arthur said. He was clinging on to it now, nearly delirious with this newfound hope. "If what he says is true, it wasn't you that did this."

"No," she said forlornly. "I-I don't know what she did to the bracelet, but… all this? It was me. At least, some part of it. I know it every bit as surely as I know we are standing here now."

She looked to Merlin imploringly, hoping he could see what Arthur didn't want to.

"Whatever she did," he said quietly, meeting her eyes, "it took away your choice. That changes everything. Even if you still…feel a certain way…who is to say what would have happened differently? Would you have still made the decisions you made? I know you stopped yourself once. We will never know what you would have done if she hadn't given you that thing."

"Stopped myself once?"

He nodded. "I saw you. I saw what you did on the hill that day – at your father's burial site."

Her eyes widened.

"What are you talking about?" Arthur said impatiently, looking between the two of them, but they ignored him.

"I thought the Morgana I knew had left a long time ago, but… I was so wrong."

"You weren't wrong," she said thickly. "She did leave. I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. That she should be gone. It is only now that I have started to feel again… what I thought was dead."

"But it's not dead, is it?"

She closed her eyes. "I cannot go back."

Truly, she did not want to believe all that had been said and done these past years was a lie. What was she then? Just a puppet? Arthur and Merlin were looking at her like puppy dogs, desperate to absolve her of any guilt and let life continue on as if nothing had ever happened. The very thought made her skin crawl. They didn't understand. Even if she had been cursed by the bracelet, it did not change what she felt and did before it.

So she told Arthur that it didn't matter. Explained how she felt about Uther and would always feel. This is why it could never be the same. They had to see her side of this! She would make them see!

"How can you say that? After all that he has given you, sheltered you, your whole life!"

"Given me? It is because of _him_ that I have had to fear for my life these past years, just because of how I was born. It is because of _him_ that hundreds of innocent people have been hunted and slaughtered like vermin. It is because of HIM that Camelot knows so much suffering. HE IS A MONSTER!"

"HE'S MY FATHER!"

"It makes it no less true. I believe Uther Pendragon should have been removed from the throne long ago, and you've no idea how I wish it would have been my doing, but now that is lost."

"Stop talking like this! You know what-"

"Arthur, if you do not run me through with your sword at this very moment, I am going to leave, but so help me God, I am not returning to Camelot."

"You will come with me if I have to knock you out and sling you over the damn horse!"

"You arrogant bastard, how dare you-"

"EXCUSE ME!" Merlin shouted and they both turned to him furiously.

"Right… well, all this shouting is wonderful, but are we really getting anywhere?"

"Stay out of it," Arthur snapped.

Merlin ignored him, turning to Morgana who was still watching him.

"Please, come back with us," he said gently. "It's over. You don't need to run anymore, we can find a way to work through… Just come back."

"I will use force if necessary!" Arthur growled.

Merlin threw his hands up and looked at him as if to say 'really?'.

"How can you still act this way?" she shot at him incredulously. "I have magic! I betrayed you! What part of 'I tried to kill you' did you not comprehend?"

"The part where you saved my life!"

That threw her. She did not expect him to bring it up again. Arthur generally did everything he could to avoid admitting that she (or anyone) helped him.

"That… that means nothing," she replied lamely.

"How does that mean _nothing_?"

She didn't really know the answer.

"Do you still want to kill me?"

Morgana rolled her eyes. "I should think I would have done it hours ago if I did - while you were unconscious!"

"It was an enchantment! Don't you see? I have known you nearly my whole life, I know the kind of person you are, and you could not do this of your own volition. Morgause was using you to take control of Camelot. It was just the spell!"

She shook her head furiously. "It was of my own doing."

"You don't know that!"

"Arthur…" she said sadly, "I wanted Uther dead before I ever set eyes on Morgause." Her sister's name sounded thick and unpleasant in her mouth. "No matter what happened, that still holds true. I know you don't want to believe me, but I'll not lie to you any longer. I have done enough of it for a lifetime yet. Please, just let me go."

He swallowed unsurely, still determined to make some sense of it. This was not something he was going to let be.

"Morgana…" he said gruffly, and hesitantly raised his hand to her cheek.

Almost at once, she turned in to his touch and covered his hand with her own. She wished she hadn't, but it had been purely instinctual on her part. He felt warm and reassuring against her skin, the callused palm a comfort of familiarity.

"I don't pretend to understand all that has happened and I can't tell you that I forgive you. But the one thing I do know is that I cannot be without you. You're not… you're not this person. Come back. Please. If for nothing else, do it for me."

"And what I said of Uther?" she stared at him piercingly and removed his hand.

He looked away harshly, clenching his jaw.

"My feelings about him won't change. I cannot subject myself to his cruelty any longer."

"What if I promised to try and change things?" he said suddenly, causing both Merlin and Morgana to look at him in confusion. "I have more authority than I did before, I can… I can stop the same things from happening."

"Arthur…" she protested, but he stepped even closer to her in a fit of pleading.

"I can do it! Just give me a chance. I know what he's done, Morgana, and he is my father, but I'll find a way. I'll protect you, and I'll do everything I can to help… others." He swallowed painfully, seeming to summon the courage, and then said firmly, "Whether or not they have magic. I give you my word."

There was such a raw desperation in his manner that it broke her heart. He was so determined, he believed so whole-heartedly that he could make a difference, but it was not his time yet. No matter how much he wanted it, she knew it wasn't possible. He knew so little of what had passed, but it was for the first time now that she questioned whether or not he would turn from her when he knew everything.

"Please."

She could not deny him.


	12. Chapter 12

The first few weeks back in Camelot were the worst. The surreal calm that marked the quiet journey back vanished the moment they entered the city. Reality slapped them stingingly across the face. Morgana all too soon found herself regretting the decision to return.

Arthur posted guards at her door the first night, but quickly dismissed them when Uther started asking questions. Though he had all but admitted his feelings for her, it didn't change the fact that she had committed high treason. How could he trust her again? He was taking the biggest gamble of his life by allowing her back into Camelot, defying the law, lying to his father, putting everyone in jeopardy if it turned out to be a mistake. In truth, Arthur was risking the entire kingdom for her. Though that was the thought in their minds, he never said as such and neither would she. If, somehow, it were spoken aloud, that might have been the final stroke, and Arthur would no longer be able to convince himself that the ends justified the means. It was all hanging by a thread.

Once Morgana told him everything that happened in full detail, he couldn't bring himself to look at her for over a month. The discussion had included, among many things, how he was enchanted to love Gwen without her knowledge. Arthur was both relieved and angry to have it explained. It still meant he hurt Gwen, but at least it hadn't been his fault. He hadn't been a selfish prat (on purpose anyway). In turn, he was the one who explained it to her, feeling he owed Gwen that much. The divide between Morgana and Gwen fractured all the more as a result. Her maid barely spoke to her, and when she did it was usually in clipped, one word answers. They were strangers merely coexisting.

Indeed, the months that followed were wretched for all four of them. It was as though all had been locked in on this pre-determined path and now they were in a calamitous free fall, nothing was certain anymore. The curtains had been opened, truth bared at long last, so they were just grasping, trying to find a way back to whatever was meant for them now.

Merlin spoke with her in length about the exchange he had with Morgause. It didn't take much for Morgana to believe that the bracelet truly had been cursed. The longer she was without it, the more she could feel her old self returning. It was nearly impossible to deny. Bitterness swallowed her that much more as a result. She had been played, flawlessly, and had nearly brought ruin to those she loved best. How could she have been such a fool?

While Arthur struggled to come to terms with the newfound knowledge and avoided her at all cost, Morgana found herself spending the most time with Merlin. At first it was dreadfully awkward for them both, neither knew how to conduct themselves. Merlin felt guilty for not having discovered Morgause's plot sooner, for not helping her. For her own, Morgana had to find a way to forgive him... as well as herself. The damage done was overwhelming at first, looming over them at every turn to whisper of hateful memories. It just seemed impossible to repair.

Then they started practicing magic together. That helped more than anything else. It was the only thing they could think to do. She wasn't sure how it happened, who had brought it up first, it just came naturally. The shared bond seemed to weave itself across all other chasms. Something happened the night she entwined their magic to defeat Morgause, something had fused between them. Neither could quite put their finger on it, but it was understood. They had left a mark inside the other that would be carried throughout the rest of their lives, whether together or apart. What was formed could never again be broken.

Merlin proved to be an eager teacher and Morgana a willing pupil. Some days they lost themselves in giggling fits over misfired spells or even successful ones. Others, Morgana would get so frustrated by a failure that she would storm out, cursing all to damnation. After the first time, Merlin didn't take too much stock in her temper because she always returned the next day and they would start anew.

One afternoon, they were in Gaius' quarters, sitting at the table trying to get Morgana to lower the temperature of a cup of water enough so it would freeze. Instead, she kept making it boil over and nearly scalded him twice.

It was proving to be hopeless for the day, when Merlin peered at her and said off-handedly, "That night, you know, when you gave me your magic…"

"Lent it," she corrected him teasingly. "Don't think you got to keep it."

"It takes a lot of trust to do something of that magnitude. You would have had to open yourself entirely." He gazed at her meaningfully. "You gave me so much power, Morgana, I felt… I felt _everything_."

The silence in the room fell so heavily, it was nearly tangible. Rarely did they speak of that night.

She looked at him uneasily. "What of it?"

He smiled. "Thanks."

She sighed and pretended to try the spell once more. After a moment, her eyes flickered back to him, he was still watching her.

"You're welcome."

Merlin redirected her attention back to the cup of water. Her eyes flashed as she spoke the words and a crystal sheet formed over the liquid. With a scrutinizing look, he picked it up carefully then simply turned it over. A block of ice fell onto the table with a thud.

They never spoke about it again.

Arthur still didn't know the truth about Merlin. Neither was ready for the other to know yet. He had barely accepted Morgana, to spring Merlin on him would be far too much too soon. She was loath to keep it from him, desperate to be rid of all such burdens, but for once it wasn't her secret to tell.

Time went by and grief began to settle in. It seemed Arthur would never be able to forgive her, much less even look at her again. Whenever they were in the same room together and he would not meet her eye, it just hurt her heart that much more.

Then one day, they were in the throne room, receiving an old friend of Uther's who had arrived to pay respects. Perhaps 'old' was too light a word to use to describe him, 'ancient' might fit better.

As it was, Arthur and Morgana nearly smothered themselves to keep from laughing every time the rickety old man spat on the King while speaking. Uther respected him too much to say anything and simply withstood it, squinting every time it happened. It got to such a point that Arthur and Morgana had to excuse themselves. They burst into an empty corridor and finally fell apart, laughing till tears. When the laughter died away, Arthur suddenly kissed her breathless. Before either said a word, he released her and walked away. She didn't know what to make of it.

Still, whatever had happened that day seemed to break the holding pattern, they started talking again, and slowly but surely they were finding their way back to each other. It felt like forever before Arthur really came to terms with all that happened, and in her darker hours she believed he never would. Even when he really did seem to accept her, forgive her, Morgana couldn't help but think miserably that he relied too much on the fact that the bracelet was cursed to explain away what she did.

Merlin was the only one who knew better, but he also understood and forgave her all the same. The more time she spent with him, the more she realized just how much the two of them had been hiding from each other all these years. As she and Arthur slowly began to repair their relationship, a true friendship began to form with Merlin as well. For the first time, Morgana began to see a light sparking behind Camelot's icy stone walls. There was hope, however faint.

Morgana told Arthur soon after the ordeal how Uther falsely believed her to be his daughter. He was incredulous at first, then disturbed, then outraged. It further dissolved his relationship with his father beyond any chance of reparation. The fact that he could do such a thing, pretend all these years that she was another's when he believed her to be of his blood? To deny her a birthright just for the sake of appearances? It was most haunting for her to hear Morgause's words echoed near verbatim back to her through Arthur.

"The truth doesn't matter, all that matters is what he believed, and still he... I can't… How could he do that?"

Arthur stayed true to his promise, he did everything possible to protect people accused of magic and kept most talk of sorcery away from his father. It didn't always work, and every time it fell through, he felt like he failed Morgana. She tried to assure him that he had not, but neither could deny that there was indeed a failure somewhere.

Still, they grew closer, their intimacy increased to such a point that they could no longer stubbornly deny romantic inclinations. It had to be kept secret of course, if Uther were ever to discover them, it would be disaster. There was no way to prove to him without magic that Morgana wasn't his daughter and he would never allow such a union to occur otherwise.

"I know it will be difficult for you to control yourself what with my devastating good looks-"

"If by 'devastating' you mean giving small children nightmares then I can't disagree."

That one went on for a bit, but ended, as most of their exchanges did, in each other's arms.

Finding ways to spend time alone together was simple enough, it was their conduct in public that proved most difficult. In the presence of others, their every movement was scrutinized purely because of their standing. Therefore any slight suspicion of something more was a risk they could not take, knowing that if Uther ever got wind of it, they would be unduly separated, by ways of which neither wanted to consider. Merlin was especially useful in this area because his presence alone discounted any deeper interpretation and he usually knew when to throw an elbow if one of them was crossing a line.

Though they were growing more intimate in one aspect, there was another part that had not yet been tread upon: Arthur didn't want to acknowledge she had magic. He would have been content to feign ignorance of the matter entirely, it was easier for him that way. Of course, she would hardly let that stand. If ever they were to be something, he had to move past his prejudices and see magic for what it really was. Otherwise… there was no future for them, not even a glimpse of it. He was aggravated with her initially, for her dogged persistence on bringing magic up at every turn, but she was relentless. Soon, he began to see what she it was she needed.

There was one moment that stood out in her mind, a day she would never forget. It signaled a turn after which there was no going back.

They had been wasting time together in his quarters, dinner was over, but it was far too early to turn in. Arthur was trying his hand at woodcarving (doing a terrible job of it) while Morgana lounged conqueringly in what was his usual chair, mocking his attempts.

Arthur finally tossed the brutalized piece of wood over his shoulder, having given up entirely, and she giggled, knowing her part in it.

"I want you to show me," he said all of a sudden, carving forgotten.

Confused, she raised an eyebrow. Was that some sort of suggestive remark? Arthur had become fairly comfortably with such insinuations those days. He took great delight in the repartee. It was considered a victory when she was too shocked to respond, but the true pleasure came from when Morgana managed to shock _him_ into speechlessness. She especially loved it when she could make him squirm.

"Show you – what - precisely?"

"Your magic," he replied in all seriousness. "You say you have powers, I want to see it."

"You want me to _prove_ I have magic?"

"No, not to prove, I just… want to see. I know you have those dreams, but y-you said there was more than that. Will you show me?"

Surprisingly, Morgana blushed. Why she was embarrassed, she didn't quite know. After all, wasn't this exactly the kind of attitude she had been longing to see from him?

At first, she was so flustered, she didn't know what to do. What should she show him? Her control still left something to be desired, she had only just started practicing more with Merlin. He was gifted with such an innate magical ability, it was horridly frustrating for her to struggle with controlling her own. Merlin was constantly reassuring her that it wasn't that she didn't have the power, he had felt it himself, she just needed to know how to contain it, shape it. It was so long repressed that she had to re-teach her mind and body new ways of working. To make matters more difficult, her magic had always fluctuated with her stronger emotions and she was still having trouble separating the two. Once she mastered the smaller elements, she would easily be able to perform spells of greater magnitude, which is why Merlin kept pushing her on the smaller things. However, she wasn't about to let this chance pass. Arthur wanted to see magic. She would give it to him.

Earlier that afternoon, she and Merlin were experimenting with different types of fire spells. He was particularly proud of a little flashy one where he could hold flames in his hand without getting burned. Morgana thought him silly for liking it so much. Instead, she worked with the candles – a far more useful skill in her mind. It wasn't anything terribly impressive, but it was enough to make Arthur take notice without being overwhelming.

With a sigh, she screwed up her courage, and found a candlestick over by the bed. Arthur watched her carefully as she brought it over to the table, placing it square in the middle, so it was not near anything else that might catch. Taking a few steps away, so that there was a sizeable distance between her and the candle, she looked to him.

"Ready?"

"Now?" he squeaked a bit nervously and then cleared his throat. "I mean, what are you going to do?" He eyed the candlestick warily, as though it were an enemy about to attack.

"You'll see."

"Ah ah ah!" He held his hands up for her not to do anything yet.

Jumping up from his chair, he backed away from the table until he was closer to her, but made sure he stood off to the side, safely away from any perceived line of fire.

"Arthur… what are you… oh, nevermind."

Shaking her head, she turned her focus to the candle.

"I take it back, this wasn't a good idea," he said in an unusually high voice. "Let's just forget it."

"Good lord! Will you shut it?"

He looked indignant.

Now determined more than ever, she focused in on the candle, letting her emotions fall away, calming herself into a practiced state, and then called within.

The candle lit, a tiny flame bobbed harmlessly on the wick, and she smiled. Slowly, she increased the flame, letting it grow higher. Before long, it was so large, burning intensely, that it just barely licked the ceiling. Using her hand, she made a swirling motion and the flame twisted unnaturally, taking shape in a funnel, as if it were being wrapped around a pole. Slowly, she started to lower it back down, until it was just a normal candle flame again, then it was extinguished. A light wisp of smoke floated on the air until it faded away.

Morgana turned to Arthur with a nervous smile.

"Well?"

He was staring at her so intently, she wondered for a moment if he had even watched the candle at all.

"Arthur?"

He half collapsed onto the bed with a huge exhale. "That – that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

"Not as _evil_ , you mean?"

She walked over to join him, hesitating to see if he reacted badly to her proximity, but there was no sign. Feeling more secure, she settled in beside him.

"Well, I don't know, I suppose. It wasn't… it just wasn't like what I thought."

"You were certainly jack rabbitting about there. I might have had to tie you down before you hurt yourself."

"Was not! I mean, it could have gone wrong! For all I know, you could have blown up the room, o-or caused an earthquake, reduced the castle to rubble - that sort of thing. Lightning and wind and such."

She smacked his arm. "Magic isn't nearly so ostentatious all the time, you know. The real talent is in subtlety."

"Subtlety? That's just a polite way of saying you're rubbish at it."

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"That little light trick was hardly anything at all. Bit of child's play, wasn't it?"

She pressed her lips together tightly, trying to keep her temper. He was just trying to bait her. That's all it was.

"And what would you know of magic?" she said tersely.

"I know that much!" he snorted. "Such fuss over nothing. Are you sure you're a real sorceress?"

"It is times like these that I absolutely abhor you."

"Ah, but what of the other times? Then I think you rather fancy me."

"Yes, _you_ would think that."

Arthur smirked infuriatingly at her, but she merely rolled her eyes. He interlaced their fingers and suddenly the playfulness of the mood vanished.

"Thank you for showing me."

Morgana nodded. She knew what he meant.


	13. Chapter 13

In the years past, Merlin had made many mistakes. They'd found a way to move beyond it, at least he hoped they had, but always would his choices stay with him. Not only had he failed Morgana, something he wasn't sure he would ever truly be able to forgive himself for, but these grievous errors meant also that he had failed in his part to protect the future king. Arthur was meant to be the sword as Merlin the blade. Magic and might. Instead, he let him down.

Arthur's so-called love for Gwen had been sheer fallacy, nothing more than a spell he had not recognized. Perhaps it was his because of his need to believe the prince was capable of seeing more than mere rank and birthright that he accepted it so willingly. Merlin longed for a day when Arthur would know him for who he really was and receive him as an equal. If he loved Guinevere, a mere serving girl, and wanted her as Queen, then surely there was hope for them as well?

Regrettably, he had let that personal desire cloud him as to the truth. Looking back on it now, Arthur's behavior had been so uncharacteristic. Around Gwen, he didn't act anything like the man he knew. Of course, Merlin had simply thought that's what love did to a person. He wanted so badly to believe, he gave no thought to the possibility of it being otherwise.

When Morgana said in the forest how the spell had been lifted, Merlin almost cried out to deny it, but she had spoken in earnest. Completely bewildered, he scrambled to reason that perhaps it was just a mistake, something had gone wrong. How could Arthur still behave the way he did, with such reckless passion, over someone who was not Gwen? The spell had to still be on him! Of course, truth settled in with time and he was horrified that he'd been so remiss in his duties as Arthur's protector. For nearly three years, the man was under the whim of a sorceress and he'd not even an inkling. Self-doubt bore down on him like never before, but with Gaius's encouragement, he decided to redouble his efforts. This would never happen again on his watch, he swore to that.

Now, Merlin understood, with such striking clarity it was embarrassing to admit he had not recognized it before. Morgana had long since been the one at Arthur's heart (more precisely, his animosity, but that was just scratching the surface). Early on, Arthur refused any suggestion of feelings for her, laughing it off, and so Merlin didn't know what to think. Then he started to proclaim this great love for Guinevere and any thoughts of Morgana fled Merlin's mind. Nevermind that there had been a time when even Gwen herself had pointed out the feelings between the two, that was written off as a passing fancy. How he was wrong.

As he watched them together these days, he was constantly amazed to see how different Arthur was with Morgana. That is, he didn't behave at all like he did with Gwen. He was still Arthur, still petulant and obnoxious, but there was always so much more. Morgana was able to bring out both his best and worst sides. Arthur was never stronger, never a better leader, than when she was with him, but he also could be the biggest git that walked the earth (she handled that as well).

There were differences in the Arthur who was enchanted to love Morgana and the Arthur who was not. Yet, strangely, it was not so very different at all. They rowed more… a _lot_ more…that was perhaps the most noticeable change. He was less willing to pass off his duties so quickly, even if it meant spending time with her (though he still did it on occasion and Merlin ended up in the stocks as a result). He was severely uncomfortable with even just talk of magic, but it was no longer an insurmountable roadblock. Morgana was freer these days, her smiles honest instead of the icy mask Merlin had grown so accustomed to.

They struggled of course, times were hardly easy, and the secrecy was wearisome. More so for Morgana than Arthur, considering she not only had more to hide but more to lose. Regardless, they still found great pleasure in company of the other, always laughing or bickering. They were simply in love. It made him happy to see it.

Smiling at the thought, he looked to Morgana while turning down the bed. They spent so much time together what with their magical forays and her with Arthur that it seemed all the more natural for him to share duties in attending her with Gwen. It went both ways, Gwen was with Arthur sometimes, and Merlin was with Morgana. It was funny actually, how they were serving the couple as one, as though they were already married.

As he hung the dress she wore that day in the wardrobe, Morgana breezed past him, having changed into her nightgown behind the screen without a word. In fact, she'd spoken to him very little these past few days. He'd been concerned, but wanted to give her time before approaching her. Time was up.

"You seem melancholy," he remarked and leaned against the wall with his arms folded across his chest.

"Do I?" she replied absently.

"Something troubling you?"

Morgana sighed and sat down at her vanity, taking up her brush and ran it through her hair rhythmically. It was a long time before she spoke again and his worries grew tenfold. He was beginning to feel that this was far more serious than he initially thought.

"I can't stay here, Merlin."

"Er… here? I thought you've had these chambers-"

"I don't belong in Camelot." She didn't break the rhythm. "Not anymore… as if I ever did."

His heart started to race. Surely she didn't mean…

"What are you talking about? Are you…? You're not going to try and…?"

"It's already been decided."

She finally put the brush down and looked at him through the mirror with the saddest eyes he had ever seen her possess. It was somehow worse than what she looked like when she cried.

This couldn't be happening. For the first time since arriving in Camelot, Merlin had actually been able to envision what the world would be like when he fulfilled his destiny. What it could be with Arthur as King and Camelot would rise to unparalleled greatness to rule over Albion. Morgana couldn't leave! The future was so close at hand. Didn't she understand what this decision might mean for all of them?

Why was she doing this?

"You're happier now!" he insisted. "I've seen it. Why would you want to leave when we've come so close to-"

"I'm not like you, Merlin," she stopped him. "I can't… there is much anger in me still, too much bitterness for a person to carry. Arthur does what he can. He tries so hard, but… he's not King yet and until he is, nothing will really change. Every day that passes here it is as though another piece of me dies. I-I fear for what I will become. A cursed bracelet will not need to aid me the next time I lose myself again in the darkness."

"That was different!"

"No, it isn't. I can't bear this place. This castle. These people. Look me in the eye and tell me that it doesn't cause you pain to wake every day knowing that you're not safe simply because of who you are? That you are forced to feel shame just for being born? That you must always lie and stay hidden? That no one who looks at you, actually sees _you_?"

 _I see you_ , he thought reflexively then brushed it away.

Taking a deep breath, Merlin knew that he couldn't deny it. Everything Morgana was saying spoke right to his core, he knew intimately what it was she endured. Some days the only thing that kept him going was the knowledge that he had a destiny, a purpose, to look after Arthur so that one day things would be different. Morgana didn't have that, and he knew, as much as he wanted to help her, that she was drowning without it.

"You're safe, Arthur would protect you. He wouldn't let-"

"Don't you see? I don't want to have to be protected anymore! I can't keep hiding, to keep silent, to _always_ lie. Some days it is all I ever do and it hurts so wretchedly that I wonder what it does to my very soul. I stand by and watch as those of our kind are continually hunted, constantly in fear. A few moments of exception… wonderful exception…cannot save…" she trailed off.

Morgana shook her head and stood up, facing him.

"My demons, they haunt me here because here they are real and threaten me at every turn. I cannot survive it any longer. There will come a time when I can no longer recognize myself and I will never allow that to happen again. Merlin, if I stay here, I will die."

There was a long silence. A space, both filled and empty, stood between them as their eyes never left the other.

When he spoke again after a while, it was with such tender honesty that it visibly tore at Morgana's heart.

"But… I don't want you to go."

"Oh, Merlin," she scoffed, trying to make light. "I think you're forgetting all the havoc I've wreaked, it was not so very long ago. Surely you must be the slightest bit reli-"

"No." He cut her off sternly, she looked mildly surprised. "Stay. Stay here with us. Help me protect Arthur. With us together, our magic, we could be…"

He stopped, embarrassed that he had taken it that far. They may have formed a peculiar sort of friendship at this point, but he was still just a servant and she was nobility. How naive could he be to even consider for a moment they could be such equals? Instead, he tried another way.

"He'll be King before long, Morgana, and things will different then. Just _stay_. I can help you. I swear, I can."

All of a sudden, she embraced him fiercely, squeezing him breathless. Merlin was stunned at first but then slowly wrapped his arms around her in return.

"Thank you," she whispered. "You're such a good man, Merlin. I know you will protect Arthur, as you have always done these past years, and it brings me comfort. I will never forget all that you have done for us. You will help him become the great King I know he will be." She released him with a fleeting smile and walked away a few steps. "Maybe someday our paths will cross again, and we could be…"

His heart skipped a beat.

"But my destiny lies elsewhere, at least for now."

"I can't convince you otherwise… can I?"

She gazed evenly at him.

"What about Arthur? You're just going to leave without telling him?"

Morgana's eyes fell closed at his name and she inhaled sharply. He could see the pain it caused her. She swayed further away from him, finding purchase at her window and stared out across the darkening courtyard.

"He will be alright."

She sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than him.

"He loves you. He wants to marry you."

"I know," she said in barely a whisper, Merlin had to strain to hear it.

"If you just leave, they'll send the army after you. You know how long we searched last time, it'll just happen again."

"Not this time. Arthur will tell Uther of my betrayal. He will know the truth at long last."

Merlin shook his head vehemently. "He would never do such a thing! He would never-"

"He will do it because I ask him to."

Morgana didn't look away from the window, but pointed at a roll of parchment on her desk next to an ink quill.

"It's all in there. Once Uther knows the truth, he'll not waste time trying to find me. Of course I'll be executed if I ever return, but my betrayal, his beloved ward, would be viewed as a weakness to the people and to his enemies. That someone so close had turned on him. If nothing else, it is an embarrassment he will avoid at all cost."

He just… couldn't believe this was happening. Morgana had it all worked out. How long had she been planning this? Since the moment they returned from the forest? All those afternoons spent together, the days and the nights, had she been thinking about this moment? The night she would leave them behind at long last?

"Where will you go?" he asked flatly.

"The Druids. They have settled since we last saw them, living beyond the border where they are not as easily pursued. I will go to them."

"When?"

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye.

"Merlin… I have no right to ask anything of you, please believe that I know that, but I am going to ask it anyway. Prepare a horse for me tonight? With some food, water, and other necessities the long journey will require?"

"Tonight?" he choked.

"Gwen has already packed my things."

"This is madness! You can't just le-"

"Will you do it?" she demanded resolutely.

He raised his hands in defeat and paced a few turns around the room in silence. She was going to leave. Of that, he was certain. What was he to do now? What choice did have?

"How long will it take you to get to the Druids?"

"A little over a week."

"That's a long way, on treacherous roads."

Her eyes lit up mischievously. "Are you forgetting? I have magic. That and a sword will be more than enough to handle a few rogue barbarians. Besides, I've never met a man to best me."

"I have."

Morgana whipped around, glaring dangerously at him. He felt a flash of nervousness at the sight, but kept on a brave front.

"You might know him too. He's tallish, blonde, complete dollophead."

Her shoulders slumped with relief and she couldn't help but crack a smile.

"Hm, I cannot say I recall such a man. He must not be very memorable."

"Oh, no, not very. Entirely forgettable actually."

She turned to the window again, shaking her head in amusement.

"Are you sure about this?"

Merlin knew it was pointless to ask, but it was compulsory. Morgana didn't bother to answer. For a while, as he stood there, looking at her as she had her back turned to him, a great sorrow washed over him. He realized Arthur wasn't the only one who was going to lose her.

These past years, Morgana had become a fierce friend, a great ally, and his worst enemy. In the months after Morgause's death, as all four of them tried to find some way to heal the wounds, they two had grown closer than ever. Merlin forgave her before even Arthur did. Perhaps it was because he could understand more than anyone else how she had reached the point she did. In his darkest hours, he could envision it happening to himself. If not his mother's love? His childhood friendship with Will? Gaius's acceptance? The Great Dragon said that Morgana would be the hatred to his love, but he didn't believe it then, and he didn't believe it now.

No, as she told him once, nothing is ever that simple.

"Morgana?"

She looked at him.

"I truly hope you find what it is you're looking for. And you might not believe this, I hardly believe it myself, but…" he chuckled, "I'm going to miss you. You said you think your destiny lies elsewhere, but there is something – something I can just feel – that tells me we are meant to meet again. I want you to know that I look forward to that day."

"Yes…" she sighed, but didn't smile. "I feel it too. Someday then, Merlin, it seems we have much yet to do."

With nothing more to be said, he walked out the door, glancing back only to see her still looking through the glass panes. Arthur passed him the stairwell, but Merlin hurried by with only a quick acknowledgment. He really couldn't bear to speak to him right now while Morgana's plans weighed so heavily on him. How was Arthur ever going to get through this?

* * *

He came in quietly, without announcing himself, and saw Morgana standing pensively by the window as he so often found her. The sight of her never failed to make his heart beat that much faster. Her beauty was unlike anything he had ever known, sometimes hurt to even look at her. He knew it would always be so. Just being in the same room stirred him to passion, she called to him through an unseen force, always demanding that the distance be closed. Arthur slipped his arms around her waist and she sighed heavily into his embrace, falling back against his chest. She felt warm and wonderful against him, he was heady with the scent of her.

"What are you always looking at through this precious window of yours?" he asked, brushing his lips against her ear. "There's nothing there."

"Just because you cannot see it, does not mean there is nothing there," she retorted.

He snorted. "You know, having magic and 'the Sight' does not mean you get to be cryptic all the time."

It still took her aback to hear him speak in such a way. The lightheartedness with which he spoke filled her heart with such pleasure. It was so lovely and comforting to know him like this. All that time spent fearing what his reaction might be, if he would turn from her if he knew what she was, such time wasted. Here he was, teasing her about magic, as if it were nothing at all. How far they'd come. Tears sprang to her eyes and she felt that much warmer in his arms.

"Actually, that's precisely what it means," she replied teasingly.

Arthur looked around to see her and frowned, turning her to face him.

"What's this?"

"Oh, nothing, I'm being silly," she said dismissively and smiled up at him. "Kiss me."

"Is that an order I hear?" He inquired bemusedly. "I'm the crown prince! What will the people think if they find out I'm taking orders from _you_?"

"They will think you far more intelligent than originally believed. Now, kiss me."

"Well, if you need it so badly… ARGH!"

He cried out as she pinched him rather viciously.

"And do it without your usual obnoxious manner."

Arthur chuckled and did as he was told.

There was something different about the way she kissed him this time. It wasn't that she was insistent, Morgana was always very clear about what she wanted, but it was tinged with something else he couldn't quite place. The kiss soon grew more passionate and they broke away for a moment to breathe while Arthur nipped lovingly at her neck.

"Don't stop," she said.

He looked at her questioningly. Morgana went to buttons of his vest, opening them with ease and slipped it off his shoulders. His belt quickly followed.

"Another order?" he asked breathlessly.

The teasing was gone from his tone, now he just needed to know for certain.

Her hands slid under the material of his shirt, coming into contact with his naked flesh and he gasped. She removed it as well, dropping it on top of the other discarded items, and stroked him everywhere that she had just newly bared, seeming to claim each spot for her own.

Was that answer enough for him?

Her possessiveness was thrilling and unnerving all at the same time. He wanted her just as much. One of his greatest fantasies for so long was to experience her like this, and now here she was, desiring him just the same. It was bliss he had never known.

As she led him back towards the bed, his heart hammered violently in his chest. Arthur realized at that moment, that even when under the enchantment with Gwen, he had never desired her the way he desired Morgana. Far beyond lust, beyond bodily yearning, there had always been this animalistic _hunger_ inside him that craved her very being to join his.

It had taken him much too long to admit his true feelings for her. The reason why was something Arthur would never admit to anyone, hardly even to himself.

He was afraid.

The depth of his feelings for her, such passion, tenderness, possessiveness, frustration, anger, kindness, hatred, and love, it was _Morgana_. All-consuming.

Deep down, there was a fear of what would become of him if he let himself in her as he so desperately wanted. She was like fire, he could see it burning beneath her skin the very day they met, beautiful, magnificent, and terrible. If he gave himself over, would she destroy him?

But now he knew what it was to touch her, to taste her, to feel her love match his own, and now his only fear was if somehow he were to lose this. How could he bear it? Well, the answer was simple, he would never let that happen. She loved him, he knew she did, and he would keep her safe. One day, he would be King and could have her as his Queen with nothing more to fear. He lived for that day.

As it was, they could have tonight.


End file.
